it hit me hard. back to social work? for good? have i been on the wrong path for so long.
i have seen so many accidents. It is scary, i see the pain in the 50 year old auntie, i see the life missed when u died at only 28 year old. I sense the pain of all those around. I can evision the passing away, the sadness that comes with it.
I feel for the earth as well. ironic i know. I sense its suffering. cliche i know. I feel it all suddenly. I feel the pain within.
Now, life is not just about accumulating wealth. Life is not just about wanting everything. life is not just about me. i dont want to be selfish, no more.
I had a dream last night. With this person M. Seems impossible but he gave me the emotional support i needed and thought he'd never had the capability to give.
is this a calling? i am feeling sad, because i finally see the vulnerability of life in another way, and i dont want to counter it by saying that i want to have and do everything before i die, rather i want to help and just enjoy the simplicity from today. I want to just do whatever i can, while i can. For you, all of you.
It is sad again, that when i reach for my phone i cant find a number to tell all these. Canon in D playing against the background.
it reminds me of the past, it never did made such an impact on me. Or did it and i lost all of it? Have i became stronger but left my humanity behind.... this alone is scary itself....
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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Song Clarice
past the 20th mark
April baby (28th)
