I went to pray. I needed to attain that level of well being. So i did. I went to two places. prayed for world peace. prayed for mother nature. prayed for my friends receiving their results. prayed for what god has given me which i though i had lost. prayed for my friends whom i love so dearly. prayed happiness for my family and friends.
thanked him for giving me all that i had today. even went to draw lots. told me to be contented with what i have. i should be really.
my mental well being is taken cared of, now i need to take care of my physical well being. i dont want to feel weak. I want to jumping and healthy. i had a nutritious dinner today although i did not eat much. cod fish, vege, lotus soup and chrsyantemum tea.
was thinking of just reading books the whole day, dimmed the lights, play some music. and just indulge. thinking of being a nun.. haha random thought.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
12:34 PM
i am pretty much done with the past two busy weeks. Firstly was POM presentation/ppt slides. ( i think it went ok:)) Satistics Test ( I think it went ok too:)) Econs Project Report ( I think it was ok:)) Html test ( which i manage to scrap through) Econs presentation/ppt Slides( i think it went funnily okay. haha) than last but not least Oral Com Presentation ( i think it wentprofessionallyokay:))
I have one more test and one more presentation to go and i so badly want to impress, because i dont want to screw up my results. i got to fight for it. I am so afraid of letting myself down. I guess the only way is to forget about the past assignments and focus on the main deciding one left. Miracles do happen and i do believe in it now.
watched million dollar baby yesterday, the show was a sad reality but one which always insists that we pursue our dreams till the very last minute because at least you can say that at the end of the road you can safely say that,"i think i did alright" with a big fat smile on your face and leave this place.
because how many of us out there have walked this path called life so usual so monotonously that we often stop and wondered i wish i did that only to not do it. sad huh? Well i definitely dont want to see that happening in mine.
I think i need to really keep my body fixed. I slept a good 8 hours last night and i wake up this morning feeling so lethargic. i need to get some stuff done as well as let see, guitar practs. before attending his lessons. hmmm..
glad that you're back in my life.dont walk out because i never did walk out on you:)
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, February 25, 2005
1:07 AM
its time i do some proper writing after so many days of projects. i can finally take a breather. My body has been acting weirdly to me these days, i havent got much appetite to eat even though my stomach is like growling for some food. I dun like to ill-treat myself so i do eat, but when i try to eat i feel so bloated. so which results to me not having much a day, which really sucks because i lost 2kg in 3 days which isnt supposed to be the case. 2kg can only be lost in 2 weeks.
many things have happen during these few weeks and i have no idea how to react to it. i telling you that i love and do care very much for you, and know that you know, i hope, that its not me walking away from you. even if u thought so, now i am waiting for you, its in your hands now. Yupz thats my view. Its all in your hands now. I want to see if you do want this to work out or let it go. I have state my stand and if u need me to say it again i will, cause i wont sit there and do nothing, i got to learn how to work for what i want, but when i think its too much, i'll let go. but now is not the time. Now i really love you and care for you.
we'll see how it goes.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
11:33 PM
when u are the pillar of support for others, you will have to take the risk of losing yourself every now and then. life is kinda heywired now. body too.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
12:50 AM
i have got my answer. but i feel as if i just lost someone. and it hurts. like my best friends just past away. the feeling is the same.
at least its complete closure no regrets but the pain lives on.
but tomorrow will be another day. i have other things to achieve.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, February 21, 2005
2:31 AM
i cant believe i woke up at 12 today. i slept at 3 last night. thank god there is no school today. had 2 project presentations to rush. i am glad i am past halfway done. also glad that i have thought of creative ways of presenting it.
nothing much really happen today as you can see my life is pretty much consumed by projects. and its going to be 3 again and i am not asleep yet.
the call.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
1:31 AM
almost couldnt wake up today, but thanks to shiya's morning call i managed to wake up:) met the k-girls to kbox for a mini karoake session. it was real cheap, and i met my ex schoolmate there who was celebrating my another ex schoolmate's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUIWEN!!! after was walking around orchard before guitar lesson. the weather was really blazing hot. saw chalven, silas, shamimi, jiabi at paragon doing their projects. crashed a little into their discussion than went on with my walk with shiya. than there was chingay in progression. went for guitar with a very unhappy teacher. think he was frustrated. cant blame him, but cant blame us too. rushed back to orchard, believing that shiya wanted to watch chingay with us, everywhere was blocked so i took a very long route to reach Far East. Only to hear that she is not going, walk all the way back to meet michelle. was kinda frustrated too. because we ended up not getting good places,when in fact we could get some if i did not walk to far east. anyway, its over.
from things have changed to i need you. you warmed my heart, but at the same time left me with more questions. why at that time? and why suddenly now? but really its not important, since its all in the past. thanks for everything. never changed. always. my promise to you.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, February 18, 2005
11:45 PM
i am lost for words. feel like crying but for happiness. at the same time worried for you.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
While i was walking down the underpass today at Orchard at 7 am in the morning, i noticed the uncle who used to earned income through singing was no longer there, than it made me think if it is cause there was something wrong back home or did he come down with something, cause he was diasbled in some way. Felt for him.
Morning classes really sucks. Stayed all the way till 3 yesterday. woke up at 6. but its survivable haha. I kinda take pity on my Internet Comm tutor. What has she done to deserve all this? And she got all these because she was different. I am not saying its my classmates' fault, no its not even theirs, just that, you can apply it to any situation, can't we all be a little more understanding?
Was packed the whole day with presentation here and there. Finishing up on last minute works. Working my ass for the best. hopefully. just hopefully. than i am kinda missing soccer trg, i did not go for the last trg because i was really busy, and dont want to feel guilty not doing well cause i did not spend enough time on what i should be doing. AT LEAST for this period of time.
i think thats what you call OPPORTUNITY COST!
poor grass. it all looks so dry. now i am even worrying about the grass haha. tuitioned shiya's sis. ate her mum's wonderful cooking.again. den it was off home. tired. still have loads of stuff to do. at least there is self defense class tmr. haha. ok later
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
11:00 PM
Listening to: Toy Soldiers
who says in the process of hardwork you cannot enjoy life at the same time. okok. lotsa projects and exams on hand. but kinda enjoying it. but no one to share this enjoyment because everyone is studying.:(
Uk funfair here i come!! YIPeeeEEEE!!! I need to go there soon. PX treated us to Pizza today. thanks alot gurl, you the best:)! Played pool on billard table again.
are u still angry, pissed? do i have to be the first to apologise when i did not even do anything wrong? I know you are frustrated because of the sacrifice you put in, but there are lotsa times i feel this way to, but you know what thats life. experience as you live. till later
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
great. i truly experienced what it is like to be totally lack of sleep. i mean i felt it before but i think i use the inner stored energy and i was really freaking tired. i am trying very hard to achieve what i want. and last thing i want is to disappoint myself.
studies aside. i am kinda experiencing work life environment. not literally. but if u look and think deeper into what i am saying. I dun understand i try so hard to make you happy. but i know it doesnt guarantee anything. but at least u should see the effort here. so tired of trying to keep up with this. i dont even know what i am fighting for when i am around ya. maybe its fighting for your rights even. which perhaps in silas words would be crossing the friendship boundary. i dunno. but i thought i was different.
than there is another thing. was wrong with you? why do you always result to quarrels? i mean we did not quarrel, but why throw it on me? but to you, i dont know if its my luck or urs that i truly understand. but i dont want to be taken for granted. or underappreciated.
with you 2 i dunno what to do. really.
anyway. i had a cool pool on billard table game with cheryl today. yippee!! that was the highlight hahah. okok. ;)
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
1:08 AM
TIM McGRAW LYRICS- Live Like You Were Dyin' He said I was in my early forties, With a lot of life before me, And a moment came that stopped me on a dime. I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays, Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time. Asked him when it sank in, and this might really be the real end. How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news. Man what ya do. And he says, [Chorus]I went sky divin', I went rocky mountain climbin', I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu. And I loved deeper, And I spoke sweeter, And I gave forgiveness I've been denying, And he said someday I hope you get the chance, To live like you were dyin'. He said I was finally the husband, That most the time I wasn't. And I became a friend a friend would like to have. And all the sudden goin' fishing, Wasn't such an imposition. And I went three times that year I lost my dad. Well I finally read the good book, And I took a good long hard look at what I'd doIf I could do it all again. And then. [Chorus]Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity To think about what you do with it, What could you do with it, what canI do with with it, what would I do with it .[Chorus]
i remember how i came to know Rick and his family. the hardships rick had to go through with his family. his background and his everything. i knew everything about him though he lived in US. His cancer, his mum, his 3 wonderful sons, his deeds, his shortcomings, his beautiful wife. This special human being has thought me so much in life, since i was 14 i knew him till now, though i got no chance to be around his life giving him the support, i still pray for him. I still stand by him, i respect his need for privacy. but i just want to let people know that there is this wonderful guy around. Who inspired me in so many ways. I love him and his family. Bouts of depression can never put him down. he thought me so much. So much that i wish i could read his story his life now. the above song is something that reminded me of him. and i think was once shared.
god bless him. thinking of you.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
okok..there was this big hype about v dae again. it got more on my nerves this year than of any year. haha. maybe because i was in town and everywhere. and i see people holding bouquets of flowers as if it was their prize possesion. find it kinda cheesy. well, i am not really the flower kinda person.ooppssiee.. but no hard feelings. i hope and wish all lovers a very happy valentine's day. made 2 hearts for shiya and cheryl. my mum gave them special ang bows.
watched grammys in the morning. loved the song presentation by Jlo and marc anthony. loved the song live like your dying by tim mcgraw. reached school had the damn bloody accounts tutorial test. i sweared i revised. but everything went well till the balancing part. i hope hard work pays off. give me a B please? i dun want a C. but a C would be fine. since i failed my previous haha. wadever. i swear i needa work doubly hard.
had wonderful teppanyaki. miss the one at the airport though. rushed to orchard to get shoes for shiya. i am bored. life is getting more stressful but more boring at the same time. patience my little girl, patience, good things only come to people who wait. i shall wait than. had tickets to watch Constantine. great awesome movie. enjoyed it to bits. happy international friendship week.
so pissed about things, but its better not to judge. accept them i guess. grrr...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
5:29 AM
pretty eventful the past two days so much so that i cant have the time to lay my hands on this pretty keyboard and type some sense in here. hehe.
after school and the usual table tennis session in school yesterday. we headed for Constanstine, only to realised that all the seats were taken up all the way till the midnight movie. crashed the arcade instead. after that paid my guitar fees. crashed cheryl's house for the new year celebration. its the first time our usual gang were all together. seating so happily for dinner. steamboat and what have you. yum yum. after that was mahjong and blackjacks. mini gambling den. not to mention boots yu sheng was awesome. self made. the whole place was a mess because of us. play till the early morning. hopped on a cab. felt straight asleep.
for your info, i havent been doing anything except lazing around and dreaming and sleeping and watching tv for the past 2 days. because i have a flu and cough. i am so freaking tired. and i want to get well soon. heheeh.
i miss my cousins already.haha. ok till later.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, February 11, 2005
1:09 AM
i got a sore throat today.
and things happened that kinda bothered me a little but i'm ok.
just disappointed.
but oh well.
went to visit ah gong today
den had lunch at banana leaf apollo with the same usual people. again haha 3 days in a row.
there is this chinese saying that this year would not be a good year for Rabbits. grrr...
Jolene told me to go visit a Feng Shui shifu a few weeks back.
she said it was kind of true.
i am kind of in temptation mode haha.
but knowing me, i probably not heed anything, and feel guilty or get paranoid when things do happen so i'd rather just leave it.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
10:49 AM
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear cousin, happy birthday to you!!!
Yupz, today is my couz Eugene's birthday. and he is 23.
the funny thing was when we were cutting the cake.the person who put the candle put only two long ones and two short ones. which shows he is 22.
Den my bro made a smart ass comment. that the two long ones can be like blackjack ace and king. haha ace stands for 11. which totals everything to 23.
OK hope you get wad i meant. it was funny haha.
okok. woke up. prepared loads of stuff to be brought to my aunt house which was at the other side of singapore.
Reach her house at around ten plus eleven.
Started unpacking and started cooking. you bet it was kinda hectic at first.
I was the part time MAriam that day haha.
the best one in fact.
Cooking our speciality- Prawns and Ngoh Hiang.
ok, for the record Aunty Mary could not come early because she had some gathering at her house too. so we had to start with out own recipe.haha. and it went well.
our recipe included coca cola too.
than there was loads of food around. steamboat stuff, fried stuff. it was better than the buffet yesterday.
Uncle Raymond was real kranky. in a good way. Never seen him so active before haha.
The cousins later bombarded the room to play blackjack, including some aunts.
I won 9 bucks hahaha. i had blackjack 2 times in a row.
Changed to Dai Dee after that. and i still won.
the others were gossipping about something.
couz andy did not want to go to his mother's side.poor him. everyone the same situation haha.
Eugene came back after sending Uncle leonard his food.
We cut the cake. and i guess you knew what happened haha.
we clean the entire house. cant believe we managed to do that.
it took us like 2 hours? or maybe lesser. cant remember. just that i was real tired.
left the house in the evening. headed home for thosai haha.
and the beehoon and ngoh hiang that we packed home. yum yum.
now i am just slacking. tomorrow is an early day again.
gotta go visit ah gong.
today was very nice. everybody was everybody. we had fun. food was great.
i won $$.
and i just realised the project was due 2 weeks later so i am kinda in a relax mode.
hmm... was discussing with Couz Andy about going to Aussie during the hols. ;) bingo!
so Couz Michelle, though we might be at different cities. perhaps just perhaps we might meet up haha.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
woke up late again. same reason tired.
rush to school, had only one lesson.
rush to Lido to watch 2 movies.
I do I do and Racing Stipes.
Both comedy. Both interesting in its on way.
Went for renuion dinner at Bayview hotel.
I was eating and eating as usual.
There was like Yu Sheng on every table.
We occupied about 4 tables.haha. the top level was all ours.
I think Tang Yuan was the fave among everyone haha.
Aunt Carol ate the whole plate of Yu Sheng all by herself.
Uncle raymond was surprisingly active tonight.
If not everything else was as usual.
There was an usual showing of adidas shirts around haha.
left after 3 hours of eating and crapping went to bugis street temple.
Mustafa center was next. bought my frisbee. haha. i am the proud owner.
okay you know what? i am determined to to learn horse riding. haha.
this year CNY spirit is different. and i hate saying it is like just another festival.
haha. anyway tomorrow is my couz birthday, and its the first day of CNY. we'll see wad happens haha.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, February 07, 2005
11:39 AM
Tired really doesnt get me down for very long.
Despite hitting the sack late last night, i woke up early to pack my stuff for the beach.
was all blurry and stuff, but the sun was up and high, and everything about the beach did not disappoint me.
was defintiely having loads of fun. only that i should have took the frisbee from shiya.
no point keeping the fris with her, she does come to the beach often anyway.haha.
so we had cartwheels, played swam and crap around at the beach.
headed to PS, for wrappamania only to find it closed down.
SUPER DISAPPOINTED!!
my fave hang out.
settled for pastamania in the end.
i tell you my appetite is like humongous.
had AL FUNGHI pasta, with soup, garlic bread and drink. added a chicken caeser salad. ate michelles' banana pizza.
haha. i am growing.
did i mention we skipped class the whole day.
guilty but i think it was CALCULATED risk.haha.
went to michelle house to watch VCDs, became investigators on why people are so horny. guitar and yea. headed home.
tired. but read some stuff. watch some shows.
anticipating tomorrow.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
For all i know, i dont really remembered what happened today haha.
I watch 7th heaven in the morning and i think it was so trying to tell people to exercise their votes.
Than came in Ruthie who said this," if only kids have the right to vote, the world would be a better place, we would vote that each child would have a roof under their head, a place in education that there be no racism. but the fact is that we dont have the right to vote, so what we can do is to influence those who can vote to vote and vote for what is right." I was very touched by this. Indeed the would would be a different place if we would listen to what the kids would have to say.
I went down with my family for breakfast. I ate a lot, i wonder if that is because i am growing i hope so. Went walking around for CNY goodies.
Went back home only to be leaving the house to do more CNY shopping for steamboat stuff.
had great lunch at Bagus, saw Shawal there, so glad he recognised me and acknowledge me.
had dinner at 2nd mini link steamboat later. My father almost lost his handphone, it was a big hoo haa.
read more stuff. had a debate with my family about Jamie Han, the guy would was rude the LKY. I was for LKY. and i stated my point that its not that everyone is against him speaking up. Its not his cause but his actions and way of doing it. I hope people see that.
I am interested in politics. I might just find a role in there some day. we'll see..
early day tomorrow at the beach.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
12:11 AM
woke up late today. had to rest lots, my whole body top to top is suffering from muscle fatique.
read through some stuff. had lunch with my bro downstairs. practise some guitar chords.
headed for kovan for my lessons.
i tell you my appetite was humongous. i ate lunch at at 4:30 i ate another bowl of Yoshi.
exercise makes me eat more.
i enjoyed guitar class today. music was nice too.
i almost lost my wallet for the record.
and i was afraid of stairs today.
oh yea, i had a slight g max experience yesterday when i was at clarke quay.
kudos to NYP women soccer. 3rd in IVP! clap clap.
off to more guitar practising.because i love you~~~
sorry i cant play soccer with ya tomorrow CJ.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, February 04, 2005
11:44 PM
this morning due to yesterday hangover, or maybe some long over due hangover, i slept through the whole car ride. so freaking tired.
stats tutorial was done halfway, i could barely concentrate last night. so i had to give up and take some rest.
so my brother allowed me to bring his 200 dollars worth of racquet to school. we had singles and doubles. played badminton for like 2 hours.
we won all the doubles match, and i drew the single match. improvement!! haha.
after that was table tennis. which i kinda was rusty.
huge difference when u suddenly switch.
played another 2 hours, cant u believe it? i skipped stats, or rather my group skipped it to play table tennis.
was 100 times more tired after that. my legs were already hurting from yesterday bball.
headed to cheryl's house for a quick shower than Chinatown tour.again.
Dinner at the fabulous Riverside Indonesian Restaurant. I had 1 glass of booze.
it was so relaxing at night we took wacky pictures. by the river. gossiping about a particular someone. haha.
i still have loads to do. i hope i do it tomorrow. today i am just too freaking tired.
i need fastum gel.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
10:12 AM
i'm so tired.
anyways, i bought my guitar to school today to practice. i needed to. went to the fountain and played some simple stuff with cheryl.
The guys came along after that, and they play real well. jealous.haha.
no fret, i'd be just as good if not better in the near future.*dreaming* haha.
JL came with her friend, i attended to her wound. gosh it looked like mind when i fell a few years back.
took quite some time disinfecting it, lotsa pus and infection causing stuff.
was late for the next lesson, i guess my tutor was rather pissed at us. our fault sorry.
had bball game under the hot sun, its okay i guess, i'd haven touched bball in like ages.
went off to Shiya house, later to tuition her sis and ate her mum's cooking which was fantastic!!
i just love home cook food.
* i hate my past. certain past.
but i love ma present.
cause now i know what i want.*
off to tutorials and stuff.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
headed straight out of school after classes. went to j8 for lunch and movie.
Finding neverland was awesome. tapped into humans inner beings.
but it was quite like Peter Pan. for those who watched it.
@ least i made shiya cry. haha. ok
was really tired. din go for soccer. had to finish up tutorials and guitar practs as well as prepare my stuff for tuition tomorrow. Sec4 maths. hehe i am giving tuition. hehe.
Sorry Jl, i'll attend to your wound tomorrow.
i'll just use my magic fingers haha.
Nurse Song. haha.
went home after that, did some housework.
watched the season finale of charmed. den headed for more tutorials.
attempted guitar practise, but i was at a lost i din attend the last practise. boo hoo.
ok..playing bball tomorrow. quadruple tired.
oh yea i checked out Paintballs. it pays per entry and u needa buy the bullets for 250(1000 bullets). it looks real interesting though.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
11:04 PM
i woke up an hour late to prepare for my presentation.
ok, for those who dont know me, i kinda do things last minute. so was counting on me to wake up earlier to go through stuff for presentation.
Woke up an hour late, so had to make do with whatever i had.
But presentation went a-okay. kudos! clap for me. haha
school, was more UNO cards, den there was this instant where this AIA guy came to us and ask us whether we were year 3 students? Do we look like one?
Perhaps because we were don with office wear. ironic. haha.
felt very relaxed today, as if i am in my own skin. ok another ironic thing.
but really, its good to put your best in things and knowing that nothing else matters.
finally my self defense class has replied. double kudos.
soccer training tomorrow.needa practise my guitar. wad else? there are things that i am way overdue. OoOo...suddenly so much expectation.
ok. start quick.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
played pool with cheryl today at the ever reliable parkway parade.
really lost touch like crazy. anyway, was tempted to sign up for life time membership, only 48 bucks and there are loads of benefits.
we had mini steamboat delight at parkway basement food court.
yum yum, i was famished. but after eating i was bloated. but still bought Auntie Anne's too.
Ok, the highlight of the day, is the taxi cab ride. the uncle was so wacky, keep saying we were cute, and making wacky comments.
but just glad made it in time for management tutorial. was eating inside by the way.
had mini soccer outside the school with gang, with my mini soccer ball. 2 times the ball ran to the road. phew... all safe.
Met Liying @ Chinatown.
That place is great, awesome, so traditional, so fantastic.
Went to the museum to walk, courtesy of her. freaky but awesome.
after that was more shopping. i bought a bag, a cool sandals and what have you.
She had loads of stuff, cookies and everything, i wonder how she is going to finish it all.
But it was very fufilling day.
Finished my oral com speech outline.
kinda hungry at this moment.
come on, girl be hardworking, u werent paying attention during tutorial.
yea that sums up my week. working doubly hard on everything. tutorials, guitar practs, soccer and what have you.
bummed.
but weirdly captivating and challenging haha.
okok. till later.
i wanner watch VCD.
its been 2 days
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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