i'm getting pretty emotional these days and i guess i am glad that it happens because its happening for all the right emotions. Since TEP started i have been busy trying to make full use of my time.. Every single second of my time, i can safely say that i am maximising to the fullest. I am proud of what i have achieve so far as well as proud at how far i am pushing myself to experience and learn the various things in life... but all these additional inputs in life has made me lost the softer side of myself.
Where was the girl who would cry when she sees a sad movie.... now she is replaced with words like its ok, i'm stronger than these... where is the girl who no matter what will stand by her friends.... now she is questioning her decision to do so... where is the girl who looks around her and feel there is so much more to do... now she look twice, look thrice before thinking of giving in to her emotions...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, June 27, 2005
10:22 PM
I am starting to lose hope in mankind. Everywhere i go, everywhere i look i see actions and doings that makes me despise mankind, that includes my own. I remember when i was young i had full of hopes of this world. The hope grew stronger so much so that i had a strong belief that i could change the world and make it an even better place.
But people change, and i see the ugliest side of human, and it has influenced me so much that sometimes i have no idea why i am doing certain things that i am doing. As much as i am disappointed in mankind, i am even more disappointed with myself. I am my worst enemy and once again i have proven myself right.
It makes me want to run away, to hide and get a peace of mind, look back at the beauty and the wonderful side of this place. Take away all the negativity and the judgemental opinions. Take me higher than what i am thinking now. Bring away from all these false comforts. Clear my mind of all these selfishness. Please... really... make it all go away.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
11:22 PM
A: feeling so underappreciated. B: its aiight, just live with it, thats life.
A: Screw life! B: not everyone is like you, you chose this way of living so deal with it.
A: Sacrifices, always me! B: its worth it gal, at least you see their true colours.
A: Whats next? B: continue doing what you're doing, someday you'll find someone who appreciates it all. Trust me!
A: ....... *hoping, praying waiting*
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
These two days were filled with action packed activities, oh well not really but still, you get what i mean...
Friday
Besides the usual attachement stuff, i sneak outta school for lunch with Valerie at Marriott Hotel. She's leaving for Tasmania and i so need to meet up with her. I have not catch up with her in a long time. So we went to the chinese restaurant, Wan Hao Restaurant, and their service was like too superb. But anyway, we chat and catch up on good old times, food was great we had Dim Sum and ala carte. After which, we exchanged presents and walked around, only for me to leave abruptly cause of some stupid bonding session.
Going to miss her, this funky secondary school mate of mine! i'll be here girl, ma varerie!
Bonding session was stupid. Chalven and i were like waddahell!!!!! So we just played along for a little while and thank god it ended. After school, i went to Liying's couz shop to 'help' around before meeting Stella, Mirah and Hafizah, my secondary school seniors. It was Stella's birthday. Awesome man! Went to this budget food court at Lucky Plaza, cause we were all broke. But ate alot and had lotsa fun. After which was Pool tutorial, i and Liying were giving lessons to them;). Home sweet home den. But i had lotsa fun catching up with them. Since like ages.
Saturday
Finally caught up on my good old beauty sleep. *yawnz* spend my morning watching lotsa VCDs. Decided to skip guitar for the BEP event @ zouk. Once in a lifetime opportunity. So yea.
Met JL and her couz and travelled down. Nice place, Nice music, Nice competition, just too many of one kind of people that i didnt like. Event ended and yea, met up with Mel, Cheryl and Mich. Cool!! It has been years since i saw Mel and i was so looking foward to this. I know this gal can make stupid fun. There was this minor misunderstanding with Mel and her gf, was a little outta place at first cause i was like standing there while it happen. Stupid me should have walk away.
Anyway, we settled for Crystal Jade and had nice food and nice people serving us. Oh yea, before that we tried on clothes that were so unlike me. Rather the super feminine side of me! Shopped for Mel's gf birthday present, sat at the stairs at the station to help her fold this box, and took the train back after. haha. Mel took the wrong level at Raffles. *hur hur*
goodness i miss all my friends so so much. So many new friends, so much socialising but still i miss my friends.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
8:38 PM
the changing room frezy, we just tried on green and strip stuff ha ha cause we were addicted to this while waiting for the food at crystal jade ha ha...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
me and val at marriott hotel, her farewell lunch? hmmm.... yum yum good company and delicious food. awesome
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
11:14 PM
I'm tired. more later. been trying not to be late for school. hard though. went for MINDS actitivity briefing. went for rotaract club orientation. tuitioned Shiya's sis. got my pay. pay up my dues. Watched Initial D. and there is more to come. Sometimes i wonder why i am doing all these to myself.. hmm... split personality? i wonder too. crazy idiot. But anyways, please forgive my insanity.
I have not forgotten you. Both of you. Shu Xian and Alvin. i'm such an ass i know, not forking out the time to pay my respects. I love you guys, and i know somewhere up there you can hear me. I want you guys to know how i am learning to live this life to the fullest for the both of you as much as for myself. You guys would have done so much more and i am just trying to do my best.
Its been 2-3 years since it happened, but still the longing and the missing still stays. My tiredness now can never erase the fond memories with the both of you. It lingers around and contstantly reminds me of those moments.
But as time pass, i look back with a short smile and picture this painting of all of us together. whatever it is, i hope the both of you are doing well up there and i will always remember those moments. Love all.
always..smiling.. painting this picture..
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
12:13 AM
so we're packed with the designing of brochures! touched a little here and there. i hope everything works out smoothly with my team mates. Hopefully, there is no squabbles or misunderstanding. Just crossing my fingers. Dont want any of it to happen.
I feel bad. I have so many dreams, so many things to do and to me commitment and time is a factor i always have to compromise. My family, i owe them a lot, how much i say i dislike their lack of support at times, i know i owe them a lot. I'm always away. Always filled with so many activities always spending so little time, and even if i am home, i'd be busy with stuff. My academic aint that fantastic either, and i feel guilty not even being able to accomplish the basic of all things as a student.
i feel bad for the friends i have neglected. How many times have i said i want to spend time with all of you but always never seem to make time. How many birthdays have i missed? I have not been asking how you guys are, like my present junior guides, my ex guides, my primary friends, my secondary school friends. I am sorry. Valerie's leaving for Tasmania this Sunday, and since she has been back from KL i havent spend quality time with her. I feel bad. There is this tingling feeling, that i know i am going to miss her alot. Miss her like crazy. My buddy in Sec 4.
I feel bad for my soccer pals. As much as i want to show dedication and devotion to it, i feel that i dont have enough effort to put everything into it. I got to find and see the many other things around it, and i'd always believe in putting in my best if not,i'd just got to leave it as 2nd place and move on from it.
My TEP mates. I have always tried to put in my utmost in whatever i do. I'm sorry if i have doen anything that was not up to your standard. But i am only human. I promised i will keep putting in the effort as it always have been putting in, if not better. I will try not to compromise my dreams with our work.
The list goes on there are so many things i have to say. So many apologies i have got to give. But right now, i know i dont have time to dwell on these. Seize the right time for the right issues. I'll try like i said, i'll try. At the end of the day, i'll make a decision, and even if all else fails, at least i know i have tried and my dreams are not far away.
goodness, i miss my stop today while reading my newspapers. Stupid me, as ever. If i pass this week safely, i know its all going to be ok.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
6:40 AM
check out this beautiful sccene
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
mentoring club orientation!!! the three crazy gals!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Air Force, but no air force guys!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
accomplishment!!!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
finish line!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
best buds.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
i couldnt wait for the fish any longer... her feet taste better. ha ha
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
yepz...its at fish n co
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
thats us!! this doesnt look anywhere like singapore right? hmm..... if only, we had the time to be somewhere else
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, June 20, 2005
11:12 PM
i guess if an effort was not made today to wake up early, i would have jolly well continued sleeping till the cows come home. No more rides to school with Shiya, her attachement starts at 9 while mine is still as early as ever. How sad!
Dont really know what to expect today, just that there will be changes. Oh well, changes are kind of numb to me already, though i still welcome them. BPOS outsource, new tasks, more use of computers( great! for such a computer idiot like me!) and new team members.
All i can say is that this re-socialising, learning the ropes, and learning all the tricks and ways to slack can be really tiring. So much for wanting to escape, i'm being nominated as the leader. Just great! Thank god, Chalven's the same room as me.
Watched Mr and Mrs Smith. Great Awesome show. Nothing much today. Just miss my EVRS days, cant believe i said that huh? Those were the days where you can slack and know that you're in safe hands. Miss my EVRS mates.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
3:33 AM
goodness. its so late and i am still awake. unfortunately everyone's asleep so i've got no one to talk to. Shall just settle with some thoughts. These days i have been entering certain depths i have not explored in a long time. Dreaming and fantasizing of a life that never would exist, at least not now. Just finished a set of VCDs. Damnit, never want to dwell in those again, always pull me into the realms of sweetness and than shut me out by ending it with a song.
Guess it just shows that everything must come to an end. Time heals they say, its true, cant deny that.
Dreams and fantasies, see how far they take you and how fast they can ditch you. Afraid i am, but never would i back down. I live on these, i live on testing my emotions, putting me together then tearing me apart. I cry, i fall, i collapse but i stand up again.
19th June 2005. 3:28am right now, i just wish there was someone to talk to. through the night. right now i'm just vulnerable to anything. just a little girl, who wants to be comforted and hugged closely. i dont want no bling bling, dont want no status, dont want no recognition. i want a voice, a hand and a hug through life. never thought one could feel so lonely. dun get me wrong. lonely yes. alone not.
oh well, this getting a little too emotional, waddahell am i doing. Just the other me speaking.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
saturday galz nite out. it was nothing extravagant, no fancy clothes, no blings blings. i think the clothes we wore to schoool were even fancier. So we were trying to just chill and relax on a saturday nite. We were just in our super casual clothes hanging out at orchard.
Had Esteler 77 for dinner. Not bad, but the desert and drink was super sweet. Sorry but i cant stand sweet stuff, i dont have a sweet tooth. haha. So after dinner we were just window shopping around, saw debbie entering MARCHE!!! We just browse around HMV, tempting ourselves with VCDs, DVDs and CDs.
After which the stores were all closing, we hopped from Gelare to Mccafe. Had some girls chat there. Everything and anything under the sun. Talk about our new stopovers. Aiight, new beginnings, new story to write everyday, wont hear about roadshow from me anymore!
*I am thinking of playing. hehe.* guess its all for the sake of hiding something. oh well. go figure. JL got into he Semis of National Management Competition! Thank me ! Thank me! ha ha..
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
8:32 PM
best wishes to you
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
YEP gang!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
happy 21st birthday!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, June 17, 2005
11:07 PM
i'm not as simple as i seem. if there is anything i fear simplicity. i fear the day the adrendaline does not rush to my head. i fear the day nothing seem to appeal to me anymore. i fear the day i'm too weak to even give in to challenges. most of all i fear the day, i cant dream, i can fantasize.
last day of EMRS. I am going to miss it really. But my emotions weren't brought out today, as i know my mind was occupied by some subconcious issue. things happened today, my group had this mini misunderstanding. We had some confrontation, some questionings, some accusations, but thank god, in the end all went well. and its all settled.
I love JL. She seems to bring a sense of weirdness in my life ha ha. Me, cheryl and her went to Mentoring Club orientation. Had fun playing the games, best of all the food.We had the most servings.
Something is occupying my mind today, something that is making me feel uncomfortable. I feel like giving in to my cravings again..
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
18 year olds and still such things still occurs. I guess perhaps all of us have a smell in us. A smell that emits off differently to different people. Some love us, some hate us. But so be it. Cant be bothered with people who cant talk it out like an adult. There is a limit to one's patience. There are lotsa questions that i want to ask you. But these answers i rather not seek. For it will all be words of jealousy, insecurity and opinions. all these but the truth. So go ahead, carry on bitching if that is what you do best. But if ever, you have cleared your mind and thought it over. Remember your actions and your words For they have already created a chain of reactions.
Yours Truly Clarice
* for those that are innocent, please give it a chance to clear things up before its too late*
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
10:41 PM
what a sense of relief, it feels as if a year has passed. Finally!! Completion of 3 projects and a presentation. goodness you have no idea how this pass few weeks have been like. Sleepless nights, dreadful mornings, impossibly high body temperature.... yada yada
Wednesday Night
Boy, was i stuck at the free access lab till 7, rushing through final touches of the reports, disturbing Chalven cause he's not done yet. Adib came to school so we chit chat a little. Left a little while for photography orientation. Didnt really feel at place, i dont know why. Just did not feel right. Anyways, Cheryl left for home at 6. I stayed at the lab discussing business with JL. This contest that her group is in. Market Shares, prices... da da da..
We left for Popular to get my presentation props stuff, then met Michelle at Dhoby. Was late and hungry and a little kinky, so i and JL were acting weird. Rush To LJS to get wraps, hopped on a cab, went to substation and set through the play. we were freaking noisy, because we were hungry couldnt help me, we just fidget through the plastic bag worth of LJS. But it was cool stuff, the play i mean, local play writers product followed by the Q and A session. I think we were the only students there, the rest were film makers, directors, lecturers and what have you.
reach home late, too tired to rush report, watch a little VCD. Slept through the nite.
Thursday
Spend the morning getting reports filed up, getting my formal attire up, rushing through touches of the props, placed the positions of props. set through colleagues presentations. Talk crapped and be lame througout to keep us occupied because we were bored waiting. We were the last group.
Last group, we were we presented with a BANG! Creativity paid of! Lightsticks, props, packages lightings. Cool huh? I have a cool buncha team mates so what can i say? ha ha. Just glad its over. Bomb my money on Yoshi with cheryl for a good meal. went home and crash more VCDs. left for dinner at Crystal Jade. Now back home, hoping to enjoy the last few moments of being in Events management and Roadshow.
Boy will i miss that place. though tough work, it was great fun. Miss the routine of slacking and slogging with my teams. I am the doctor of the project room. thats what they call me! Doctor!!! ha ha.... farewell party tomorrow... more later
too late for Aviva Tics. Maybe i'd just catch the final. wont be that free to watch everyday too.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
11:05 AM
my eyes were glued to the screen throughout my whole attachement yesterday rushing reports. whats worse was the weather yesterday wasnt really helping, damn weather. badminton trial was only 5 mins per person, such overwhelming number of people turn up. Tough i guess. What will be will be not really interested in attending any trainings anyway. Kinda turn cold on soccer too. There is just so many things to do.
Speaking about that, i was screwed big time yesterday by my parents for my expenditure. But seriously am i? An average of 500 a month including concession tickets, lunch and dinner outs cause there is no food at home. It covers saturdays too. Plus my guitar course.I dont know. Which is why i am trying to get another job, but with ccas how am i to cover? I already have a tuition job, but its just 80 a month plus meal. Its good enough.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to try things in life right? I dont want to do everything but i want to try everything is there anythng wrong with that. I dont rob the bank, i dont kill, i dont splurge on shopping sprees.I just want to be able to try things, many things. oh well.
thats for yesterday. woke up late for school today again! nothing new already i guess. going to crash reports and probably watch some play later at the substation. more later. pray for me. hmm i like the sound of that;)
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
12:14 PM
Monday
What can i say late again for school, this time i really couldnt be bothered to rush to school. i just took my time, surf the net and just board the bus then train to school.
School was dreadful though, received lecturing from our supervisors due to some students who were not present during their stopover. Not only so we still had our Farnell Roadshow leftovers to settle. My team still owe her the statement of sales. I got a presentation to run. What more? My team members left school or stayed home and it was left to me and Peiling to present. ha ha. What a joker. It really was a hilarious situation, come to think of it now. But i definitely dont want it to happen a second time again. Scared the shit outta me, luckily the presentation went smoothly.
Ms Tan sprained her knee ha ha. ooppss. i am evil. kill me. Yep, I am officially in BPOS outsource, and there will be no great eastern anymore, it will only be mystery shopper which would be kind of stupid. So luckily i am in charged of business development bidding for client's project. We even have a new Supervisor and a new project coming up! the only thing is my team mates, but thank god i have Shami with me! love her! I want more of her! Finally, some familiarity.
Crash home instead of hanging out. too much reports to rush. Slept on the train like i'd never sleep before thats what shiya said, did the housework at home had a good dinner with Char Siew Rice, Hokkien Noodles, Chicken Wings, Yum Yum. Watched some TV then it was reports and more VCDs. Slept at 2am.
Tuesday Woke up late again! Could not be bothered again! Supervisor did not come! Screw her! I did the AAR like crazy yesterday. Nah, change my mind its aiight.
so now i am typing more reports. Cant wait for thursday to be over, den my reports will be all over. Badminton trial tonight. DragonBoat peeps msg me to come for trg, nt sure about it though. Too much commitment, i want other CCAs. Mentoring Club this friday. Cheryl is on block leave. damnit. lucky her.
lalalala.. where is Shiya i want lunch!!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
12:31 PM
Clarice is tired. Clarice needs sleep. Clarice has been late for school and everything that she is supposed to turn up for. haha. sounds funny, but seriously.
Friday
Supposed to report for school at 8:30 reach at 10:30. Fell asleep on the train miss the stop. Went for Club crawl, gosh i signed up for so many CCAs.
Guess TGIF location has always been Esplanade, and i guess will always stay as esplanade. haha. Ate at Glutton's Bay, watched the outdoor concert by this Philippino guy who acted in Chang and Eng. The genre was musicals. Saw Chen Han Wei. Ate Ice cream got some spilled over my shirt. Damn! Home early to rush report, but slept in the end.
Saturday
Woke up late. Had to take a cab down to meet my aunt at the botanical garden. Walked for an hour or so, saw so many kinds of weird people, or rather interesting people. Ate breakfast at Swenson, yum yum. not bad. travelled to meet Liying at little india at 1. Did threading, ouch ouch, was supposed to head to clarke quay to check out the stall for the flea market, but dumb us only realise that it only opens on sunday. Changed our plans to cut our fringe at this place behind paragon. Shopped around than rush for guitar lessons.
Finally!! We learn Canon in D major. met the guys and crash Fish n Co at Dhoby. Live band, Chalven, Junsheng and me were forced to sing through the mike damn funny. Had an awesome time with them. On the train back, played the frog game i won 33-18! i thrashed Shiya! Supposed to rush report, but ended up sleeping again.
Sunday
Finally!! not late. went to Eunos Mrt to meet Cheryl to board the shuttle bus to Paya Lebar Runway. Cool place, had fun cycling 15 klits. drank lotsa gatorade. hot hot humid weather. lotsa people, cool performances. went back home, intended to catch some sleep, in the end had to go out with my family. wanted to change phone to N3230 but thought otherwise. went to NO SIGNBOARD restaurant for seafood dinner. Yum Yum. back home late, now officially embark on my report. Damn! office wear tomorrow, handover tomorrow, presentation tomorrow.
and i dunno where is my green book!! everything is inside!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
8:32 AM
lotsa money... we were with our usual gang at fish n co, live band and everything, and i see junsheng with the money in his hand. cant resist taking this picture.. money hahahahahahahhahah
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, June 10, 2005
7:41 AM
man.. this was the best lorry ride ever .. it was quite late though... er... and she has no relation with me whatsoever ye? ha ha....
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Ice cream!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
our chill out session at big O, it was helluva fun with these 4 wacky girls together. we can simply bitch and screw everyone up... buddies for life... best moments. erm.. except for the service at big o ha ha
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
we watched a very interesting artistic play, about this 3 colourful thingy.but had totally no clue what it was about? up till now i have no clue, but it was cool, it was even raining as we were watching it outdoors.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
gosh! this was taken when there were blisters burning on my feet!! i ran barefooted on the hot school track...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
11:48 PM
so close to being late 3 times in a row.
2 roadshows were supposed to be set up by 10, unfortunately, there were lots of delays and the fact that we were short handed today did not help either. So the morning was spent fussing around little details, getting things settled, and you ask me why am i even bothering to do so much, it only rounds up to one thing- all for the sake of my supervisor. So much for working with a perfectionist.
I've been having lotsa cravings for so many things and lotsa hungry bouts for no reason. But i output has also been increasing. I've been going to the toilet at least 3 times to release it.
i couldnt stand the being cooped up within the school no more that i got to leave for school with Shiya to Toa Payoh Central. Was supposed to look for jobs, but unfortunately there were no vacancy, saw the roadshow to promote AVIVA badminton open with players like YiJia and Hendrick there to publicise it.
* hey peeps, if you wanner watch please pass me the money by the 14th of June ye?
back to school was dreadful, but did a little more socialising with the new DBI student. Soccer knowledge does help in breaking the silence. after which was supposed to go for another job interview but decided against it, ya know why, cause i have other job offers, but everything's not confirmed. I've got CCAs days to leave aside. Somehow, i dont think i have the time, but things will work out. I still have tuition on hand.
tuitioned shiya's sis after school, had fun at her house. ha ha. man, i am tired, i needa a break from school again.
sometimes i just want you to be happy doing the things you want...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
10:48 PM
amor, no es amor. well, was late for school 2 days in a row, stayed up late to rush through a report only to be told it need not be handed in today.
the morning was crazy, fear took the better of me. Did not believe in my inner capability. nothing much really happened today, just enjoyed the chat with Chalven, realised what a sweetie he was. Soft at heart, quite a nice young gentleman, too bad he's not my type. I hope he finds someone he really loves one day;) sometimes though, he just burps a little too much, ha ha.
intended to leave school early to catch a movie, unfortunately there were issues left unsettled, publicity needed to be done, movie was cancelled. disappointed because i havent been hanging out with Shiya these days, even our morning train ride was dirupted due to my inability to wake up on time.
met my family for dinner @ heritage. Had peranakan food. yum yum. back home. damn shagged. beach tmr.
so happy to see mel today, had a big old goofy hug from her, in front of my team mates, din realised they were all waiting for me ha ha.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
11:20 PM
true enough, i woke up late after last night's socialising and some report writing. true enough, TPK did not come to school today. true enough, Ameline Soh was not going to let us off so easily. true enough, we had lots of last minute work to do. true enough, it was all completed steadfastedly.
ok, that aside, did not get to sneak out of school to check for job offers today, because you some last minute meeting of suppliers. So crashed FJ to eat instead.When things were almost settled i left school earlier to meet my guide friends. Decided to head to my secondary school to have a look at their Camp.
Met MZ, LY and Steph outside our school. Had to settle for dinner first, because some girl was so freaking hungry ha ha. Chatted about the rental of flea market stall. :) we're going to get it going. Walked back to school and saw how much some things have changed and some things have not. For starters: 1. Mrs loh and Mrs Neo quarrelled. 2. Commonwealth still had that Commonwealth smell. 3. Once a guide always a guide.
had a chat with the Exco committee about guiding spirit and stuff. Thought about setting up a Girl guides Alumni. Left the school and on the way back this thought came to my head: buses then replaced by trains now, nostalgic yet i am loving every minute of my life now. i'll be back again. go figure. roadshow tmr again. going to be a long day.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, June 06, 2005
12:00 AM
i wasnt in the best of moods in the morning, my feet just didnt want to move, so i was walking at a very slow pace. Told Shiya to walk off first before she's late for school. I shouldnt have come to school today, i would have accomplished so much more. My supervisor wasnt here, so most of the time was spent watching a movie, Monster in law and hanging out, socialising with TEP friends.
after which i left early to meet LY, SY and HS. My long time Kaki. Love them, i had alot of fun hanging around them, i know things will always be alright with them around. Really, no matter what happen, i 'd know i have them around. Ate at Big O, it was really hilarious. But after socialising with them i gotta run to my YEP friends birthday celebration at Pasir Ris.
I was looking foward to it, have not seen them for sucha long time. But my mood was dampened by a phone call i received. Nothing serious, just lotsa nagging. I saw Mae Tan at Pasir Ris. Miss her, Met JY and Adelene, ShuZhen, HuiFen. Reminds me about the good old days. We chatted about my past,ate and drank whatever was available. Had a nice lorry ride back.
guess today socialising left me rather broke down to 10. I had a long lecture by my parents, but you know what, i have only come to a conclusion that i shouldnt use their money even more. I'd work for my own even if it means tiring myself out. I love them but sometimes there is a limit to everything.
you have no idea how much i understand...oh well.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
11:29 PM
I am really sorry. I am such an ass. Things happened and i wasnt there, i wasnt the one who used to stand by you no matter what, i wasnt the one who listen to your woes, and not because i had no time, but more because i wasnt willing to. I was afraid i would know more than i should.
Selfish idiot. I am a selfish idiot. I would have been the first to know about it, and now i am not. Than again, its not about fighting to be the first to know, but rather, i wasnt there when u needed someone, who knows what have gone through your mind. Now i am just some typical selfish idiot, who cares about her own life, too selfish to be concern about her loved ones.
Now it hit me right in my face, what i have become, sucha small fart. I shall not let this continue, i love you, i wont let my selfishness rule myself anymore, i'd make time for you. I am just lucky its nothing too serious and there is still time for things to be aiight. It puts so much things into perspective. Rick, where are you? I miss you, how have you been doing?
on another note, i finally laid my hands on Wee Kim Wee's autobiography and Rich Dad, Poor Dad book.. had a round of badminton with my brother, lost terribly, 15-5, 8-4( didnt have time to finish the second set) we were practising before it.
now i am just reminiscing, feeling all so fucked up and guilty.... i miss Shu Xian and Alvin, but i dont have the strong emotions, issit ok? what is ok anymore.. damn.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
11:38 PM
i am a sucker for pain. i guess it pretty much says it all. positively you can look at it as, i know how to maximise my limits. negatively you can look at it as, i am killing myself. either way, i guess thats the way my life is. pretty maxed out, and when its not i'll make it be.
miss the cute guy on the mrt train. hehe. the one i keep stealing glances, and cheryl said he seems to know it haha. ooppss..
crazy night today, adventure to the east. After guitar was a great dinner at Kovan, nice Nasi Lemak, Yum Yum. After much contemplating, we decided to stick to our Expo plan! So we went to the PC fair and the Sports fair, but quite a disappointment. Headed to SAFRA Tampines to rent our bikes. THE DISTANCE IS KILLING ME!!! imagine i live right smack at the west and i am over the other end. Someday you might just see me jumping out of the train.
Ok, distance kinda spoilt my mood. Sorry, Chalven, Jun Sheng, Adib and Edwin, we were too bummed out from the waiting and the long distance, so we could not meet to chill with you guys. hate myself for that.
walking in the rain was good. my body was on fire today.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
okok.. i hate it when my life is so well planned. i know i am crazy. but oh well, its not the first day you know me.
*by the way me missing my driving test, you're not supposed to mouth a word to my parents, ye thanks!
Also, i would officialy finished my attachement at Events and Roadshow Management and succesfully move on to my first choice BPOS OUTSOURCE, hopefully be at Great Eastern! But that kinda sucks to, i will miss my friends in school, no more waving frantically at everybody i see and at the same time waving to those i dun know. haha. Part of me want to stay in school and bid for projects for companies, i dont mind proposals, but part of me also wants to head out. hai~
Anyway, i have a list of activities here, so if you're interested do give me a call or msg me ye? You guys have my number if not get it from those who you think has it haha.
(sat)4th June - Guitar Lesson, PC fair, sign up for driving again if i have time* (sun)5th June- International Floorball Competition, JiaYang's birthday party* (mon)6th June- JiaYang's Birthday Party,Css Girl Guide Passing Out Parade cum Camp, Sec sch friends gathering (tue)7th June- Css Girl Guide Camp (wed)8th June- any takers? haha (thur)9th June- Tuition, Beach (fri) 10th June- TGIF
Thats for this week, other activities would be M.I.L.K Run 2005 on 3rd July 05 (sun) Nite Trekking 18th June 05 (Sat)* Nation Runway Cycling 12th June 05 (Sat) Aviva Badminton Open 27th June to 3rd July* lemme know if u want tics 12 bucks under 18 yrs that should be all at the moment... more later..
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, June 03, 2005
11:51 PM
the day started off damn crappy, because stupid me missed my driving test, okok, haha, in chalven's words,"... haha, whats wrong with you..." My reply,"... i dunno, i am taking after part of your genes, how? help me!! haha..."
oh well so that screwed up my mood for the first part of the day, but you know what, other than that today was hellavu great day, ya know why? read on! i met Cheryl in school, and headed for lunch after saying my hi-s to the team members! So we were so freaking sick of the school's food that we headed to Grassroots for our lunch, specifically at the Naked Fish!
I had Cock and Bull, cheryl had Fish and Fish. Man the food there is good, you guys should head over there! We saw lecturers there and they were like giving us this weird look, like hey you guys arent suppoed to be here.. i was thinking, waddahell.. you guys dont own this place!! Cheryl, even wanted to take out her Grassroots membership card and flaunt it in front of them haha. The uncle who served us was fabulous.
Let's see, we wanted hang around a little longer, so we went to our ever sensual and sexual machine.. dun think dirty, its just some photo-finder game. So we have lost touch since we havent been playing it for very long, but with just a dollar coin, we broke not only our record but we set a new record. Boy am i brimming with pride!!! Champion of the SEX game, haha, sorry, champion of the photo finder game!
So i hang around the BAZAAR a little longer, helped out with the roadshow cheryl had, and ended up really helping them. Cant believe i am actually doing work on my block leave! But it was really interesting, all the laptops and stuff, her team members, all interesting characters! Met our director while throwing some rubbish, what a way to meet him.
After school was straight to our TGIF celebration!! Dont have to say much just look at the pictures below! YES SCROLL DOWN!!! * we found out cheryl would get allergic to alcohol if she drinks too much. * i cant get enough of live band and alcohol! * my friend say i am someone who would do anything and everything...hmmm... life rawks with them!! Once again SCROLL DOWN to see the pictures!! We were at the esplanade by the way!*
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
oh boy oh boy, how can we miss this? this is always my fav part of the day... drinks @ harry's. man... this is going to be our typical TGIF celebration, drinks there!!!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
song by wendi !!!! heheh cool huh? she is really great!!!
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
michelle? where are you???? hahah.. ye michelle was busy taking pictures to be bothered to join us for this picture but seriously it was really such fun eating so much food.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
glutton's bay food was glorious.... we had a feast.. i was like so damn full after eating all those.. and the night did not just stop here...heheh
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
check out our cool shades totally sponsored by adidas..hahah... ya right, we din pay for those, we just got it off the shelves and ried to model for them heheheh nice huh?
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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