emotional entry, stay clear if you want to judge me or pity me. I dont need it and dont want it
i am leading a very fufilling life. i hours are packed. but i have been sacrificing time spent with friends and family. Time that normal poly students are spending on. Not that i am not normal, just that i am not the usual student. The atypical student would spend time mugging for projects and slacking their time away with their cliques, basically enjoying life as a student. so thats where friendship are bonded..
for me now, its like... my free time is never their free time... i am a 19 year old student but i dont have a lifestyle like theirs. I dont do the usual things. i cannot be like that, or rather i chose a path that is not like theirs... because honestly speaking i find that lifestyle a little waste of time... i am speeding up my life a little faster by combining the what-will-be to now... and i am seeing and doing things that people will be doing 5 years later down the road...
I have chosen this path, i cant see myself turning back, not because i cant afford to lose it, but because i know even if i do make a choice to be whom they are, i wont be any more happier than now, in fact except from the occasional lack of freedom and entertainment and friendship.. everything else is okay.
friends tend to forget you, cause they assume you are no longer free... family tend to have high expectation from you, cause they think you are doing much more... colleagues start to think u are no longer studying because you are always working... and YOU, start to get confuse because you are neither here nor there...
i know the answer deep down... i will stick to the lifestyle i have now.. asking me to choose the lifestyle my other friends are living now...(studying,living off their parents, having time for entertainment and time to slack, spending the time doing lotsa questioning and asking rather than working on it) it is a little bias, what i am saying now... but it would not be what i want...
its sad.i am sad.its a fact. people do drift apart. i have not cried for a long time. I am not ashame to cry this time, because i am beginning to see life the way it is. and i can only pray to be stronger and to let me be who i am, not to lose track of what i want ultimately.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, July 21, 2006
8:54 AM
why is everyone around me in some sort of financial crisis.. now i realise..literally speaking the importance of money... and it sucks to know so much personal issues about people around you, than you will start second guessing and start wondering what ish right and what ish wrong and what cant be done and who you can tell and who you cant. I dont know maybe this is all part of work.. but why cant work be just put aside as work??
anyway, i am so glad today has ended and i am so looking forward to tomorrow.. DESTRESS day again. so to mention, the Mahjong session at cheryl's place was damn awesome... it is a must to repeat it again... the minute i finished my finance test it was already switch off mode... karaoke, makan, home cook food, mahjong... lurrvvee ittt.. i think i was at a unexplainable high that day:)
and than there was the mad rush for the HRM project and role play... but after that i was all high again...
had nice sumptious Caesar Salad plus Smoke Salmon.. courtesy of Fiona... drools.....
was doing closing at the beach...
den chit chat session at Seah Im.... ride home from denise bf.. thanks dude. ure the best. so now i am HOME, SHOWERED and ready for tomorrow:)
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
7:21 PM
Its sucha chore uploading pictures in blogger. But i shall do it pretty soon again. :) finance test this afternoon and there is this 7a-side soccer thing going on... not sure if i want to go though. been such a long time since i have touched a ball. was thinking of going to the gym. but seems that my finance is pretty uncertain so i am not sure when i should be heading there too.
prolly should have my breakfast first.
you know, some people really knows how to live life BIG.
me: so i heard you went to KL for a day and had 2 cans of beer and back? Ranjith: Yea, it was fantastic. me: Insane. Ranjith: No why insane? Dont you people know wads passions? Singaporeans arent as spirited... me: So how long was the journey? Ranjith: 5 and half to go up and another to come down. me: Madness you went there a day and half a day is gone? Ranjith: Yea, but when we are there its full blast, we sleep on the bus and have fun there.. me: so how much was the transport? Sonnam: 450 only. Ranjith: Yea, with a personal Masseur, 4 seats only... thats life. Me: I AM IMPRESSED!!!
Now i am beginning to access the theory of living life... why am i doing so much savings.. hahahahah.... god knows. this fella has got me thinking real big.... and for once... its for good, because life is kinda high strung right now.. haha
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
9:15 AM
sometimes i do envy/pity my mum, she has to wake up earlier when my brother has a 5:45am deadline to be at school. insane....
got to brush my teeth do 30 sit ups plan the wake up time tomorrow for gym, driving, school, and catch up session.
Pending would be HR executive summary as well as Finance test on wednesday...
guilty of so so many things..
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
9:21 AM
finally, made the decision and signed up with my usual fav- amore fitness. This time it was the unlimited package. You bet you'll see me there like every other day. haha. if it is not for gym it be for their lessons.
overall, school was fun, there were lotsa laughter, i guess no matter how boring the modules can be, you cannot find the fun and laughter anywhere outside of school and i guess its just different. After which headed down to chinatown with Shiya. Had togi! Korean food first, Authentic ones.... den headed to various travel agency to check out our fair to Hong Kong.
Decided on the 5D4N thingy.... which should cost 600 bucks. Should be affordable. :) quite happy with the outcome.
oh ya, i am pretty please with my results so far... As except for 1 module which i attend lecture but failed. Sometimes you do wonder huh, how things work. But ohwell. Now i have 6 projects on hand, pending to be done, numerous tests....
I realise something, no matter how much shit you are in, i guess its real important to really know how to live a life. and i guess i may have miss out on lots of other things but i have not missed out the most important thing- that is my life. glad the way things are turning out now. Not a single minute to waste.
shall not be too harsh on myself.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
8:43 AM
wa.. i am in a so depressed state. Not as in wanner commit sucide case. but just figure of speech. I dont even have time to spend and interact with my class people. I dont have time to spend with my guide friends. I dont have time to spend with my work friends. Basically, it seems that outside school and work and gym and driving and whatever lessons i have.. i dont have time for my FRIENDS and of course, i have been neglecting my FAMILY since i dont know when.. wa its kinda depressing already...
arh.....opportunity cost... the day i chose this path to think long term, its the day i got to be prepared for this.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
7:45 PM
yesterday mahjong session was a blast.overall champion as kok hiong claimed was me. But oh well... what really mattered was that i had fun. It only ended like @ 8 in the morning and i was literally dragging myself back home. I had work at 2:30 pm mind you. I was really a walking zombie. went home and slept till 11 am. not much of a sleep huh? but da weather was freaking good.
not much of a choice but to attend work. Nothing much happened at work since it was cold, wet and people-less. so i did my exam script there. Not bad. :) close the shop all by myself. met Ann, Lea and the Digi guys for supper. Murtabak was delicious...
typed my script. it was close to 1. my eyes were real puffy so i put some cucumbers and slept only to wake up @ 2:30 think. Saw that my MSN was blinking orange. Click on it and it was jackson! and only to realise da match start at 2am not 3 am. Dumb and blur me. haha. he called me with Mike at the background. Laughing at my blurness. haha. Unbelievable.
So the world cup has come to an end... Post world cup withdrawal syndrome. but you know what?? I am still busy with so many things. Argh!!! No time even for gym, sleep and friends. Kinda sad huh? I want to watch movies! I want to eat Sashimi.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
8:33 AM
goodness gracious me,sometimes i wonder if i am a sucker for punishment.. ahahha.... i keep my schedules so damn packed that the only time i get to rest is in between my travellings. The number of time i fall asleep on the train and refuse to wake up is too many to be counted.
and i still think i am not doing enough. Smacks myself. haha.
i've got lotsa projects all stacked up, not counting the daily tutorials and lessons i have to attend. Working at different places, driving lessons, time dedicated to the gym, time for friends and family. I think i have neglected quite a number of things already.
guess the only thing that can make me slow down ish a guy.. hahhaha... but the guy must be really something to make me give all of that up....
randomness again....
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
11:10 AM
argh............... i am so so going crazy....... the only grateful thing is that my body ish not on a breakdown mode. with that i am 120% thankful.
i want to go crazy again, sing and sing and jump and jump and dance and dance and just have fun like on saturday haha.. TOTALLY DESTRESS... not that im stress but im feeling da heat though.
slept at like 5 am yesterday, not so much on project, more on da phone. Seriously, i am just too tired for any socialising right now, so i guess this month i will just be bombarded with exams and projects. So since England is outta world cup, maybe they can stop singing lord save the queen, maybe they can sing lord save Clarice?? haha.
i pretty happy with my bank account though, orh can i say that here? i can prob plan for a hair dye session. some great makan sessions
i'm drifting to another planet......... bye for now
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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