forever.

Sunday, January 28, 2007
8:03 AM

it hit me hard.
back to social work? for good?
have i been on the wrong path for so long.

i have seen so many accidents. It is scary, i see the pain in the 50 year old auntie, i see the life missed when u died at only 28 year old. I sense the pain of all those around. I can evision the passing away, the sadness that comes with it.

I feel for the earth as well. ironic i know. I sense its suffering. cliche i know.
I feel it all suddenly. I feel the pain within.

Now, life is not just about accumulating wealth.
Life is not just about wanting everything.
life is not just about me.
i dont want to be selfish, no more.

I had a dream last night. With this person M. Seems impossible but he gave me the emotional support i needed and thought he'd never had the capability to give.

is this a calling?
i am feeling sad, because i finally see the vulnerability of life in another way, and i dont want to counter it by saying that i want to have and do everything before i die, rather i want to help and just enjoy the simplicity from today. I want to just do whatever i can, while i can. For you, all of you.

It is sad again, that when i reach for my phone i cant find a number to tell all these.
Canon in D playing against the background.

it reminds me of the past, it never did made such an impact on me. Or did it and i lost all of it? Have i became stronger but left my humanity behind.... this alone is scary itself....

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Friday, January 26, 2007
8:18 AM

I was restless througout the day.

Weird things happened today, but i wasnt to picky on each situation. I am quite forgiving.

1. I was eating at Far East, at our usual chick rice and noodles store when the person drop a bowl of hot soup just beside me, it spilled on my bag and her feet. She was in pain walked away leaving me alone. BUT, she did came back to offer tissues. The other staff who i thought was ice-y, were exceptionally kind today. The strangers sitting beside me were super nice, offering me tissues.

2. Amore was nice. good workout dance. finally can commence on my quality proj and arranged for an interview.

3. Came home successfully cook porridge, may seem easy for u guys, but i always thought the simplest things were the hardest to master.

4. Parents came home. WW3. Argued about computer stuff. Blamed me because the computer was mine. I was almost lost. Hate it when this always happens. It used to always happen, i was quite disturbed by it in the past. Think, i am till now. BUT, suddenly computer went well. She just kept quiet.

It always surprise me how u can choose words that hurt me so much............ but though i may sometimes blame myself for being the selfish me at times.... i always forgive and forget easily......... there might be a day, u push me too far and i'll just walk away........but not today

this entry is so random....

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Thursday, January 25, 2007
6:21 AM

Nice Ramen.... i think ate it the first time with Jackson...
this picture ish with cheryl, boots and shiya....
but lazy to upload the rest...heeh

i passed!
Not really happy, just kind of relief that it is over.
i think it has been quite a tiring feat.
now that i am not working too often, i am still occupied with the many assignments.
Not only so, i've been cooking lunches and dinner topped with fruits.
would say i love this lifestyle simple and easy.

i had fun today at food republic eating the tons and tons of food we order...... madness. but i am happy to be around you guys, you know having fun and eating - my fave pastime. you guys know who you are. It was fun filming at Sentosa as well. hahah directors and co-producers and kopi-soh and all... will try to upload what we have soon enough.

life as a student is good.

i got two prospective job replies just from my random sending of resumes yesterday. Thats pretty fast huh.... but iknow better than to rush...

Clarice has learn some lessons
more later
back to projects......

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Sunday, January 21, 2007
6:39 PM

computer at home has deserted me and lfet for a far away land. the land of no return.
the doctor could not fix it. The doctor charged a hefty fee.
I said time for a change.
It will be changed.
meanwhile, i'll use a lappie..

my cousin and his friends will be up for interview @ sunny island later.
wish them luck. hope they are in. cross fingers.

figured it out.
Shall let things go as it is. No point being so persistent at the cost of others.
That really isnt what i want in the end.
Never at the expense of others.
but im not going to lose it all.

lalalalala... i feel lighter now.....................weeeeeeeeee..................

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Friday, January 19, 2007
7:46 AM

cant worry too much
does me no good.
lemme be selfish this time.

happy moments. long over due photos.

i dont ask why there isnt enough money. I dont wish to blame because i know its not easy.
I just blame myself for putting myself into this position....
but it'd be okay, it always works out well in the end. I have faith....

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Monday, January 15, 2007
7:43 AM

Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can’t complete
Listen
To the sound from deep within
Its only beginning to find release
Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
All cause you won’t listen

Chorus:
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried to say what’s on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own
You should have listened

Verse 2:
There is someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh
I’m screaming out in my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and burned
Into your own
All cause you won’t listen

Chorus:
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I’m not at home in my own home
And I’ve tried and tried to say what’s on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
I’m more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own
You should have listened

Bridge:
I don’t know where I belong
But I”ll be moving on
If you don’t
If you won’t
Listen

To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but I will complete
Oh,

Now I’m done believing you
You don’t know what I’m feeling
Im more than what you made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me
But now I’ve gotta find my own
My own

this is going to start on a deeper note, like what i always say if you arent ready for heavy stuff click on the other links.:)

Anyway, these days have been heavy on thoughts for me, i am at one of the crossroads in life where i have to make a decision. The fate of my decision, if i may use it, now pretty much still lies in my hands. It is given to me and i get to make good use of it and i hope i do. I dont like losing the control in the near future. I want to be sure and firm of where i stand. I know many things are not within our control but for those that is, i want the best out of it.

2 years ago, i never would have thought this would be such a test for me, i thought it was all easy and smooth sailing. A year ago i took things for granted and it landed me in a not so good position today, should i have listened and stayed grounded i would not be in the midst of all these. A year later that i am in this situation, i accept it and take it like a lady would.

i have got a month to go and within this month itself lies the tiny roadblocks. I got to stay focus and fight it on because i know i can do all of it, i know i can, i just need to be there. If i should have missed out on all these the past few years, let me embrace all of it now. I may not be big literally to hold all of it, but let my guts and confidence be brave enough to take it all now. The opportunity is here and i must say I am REadY!

:)

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Thursday, January 11, 2007
4:54 PM

The Russian 10 bucks might do the trick!

life is so unpredictable. Honestly, the only thing sure about my near future would be to work hard and work towards a higher level of educations.

Everything else other than that is still in the blanks.
Which pretty much is good...
Because I know whatever i do now, is whatever that really matters...

I had fun working again yesterday. Of course with the people i love being around with.
That would change wouldnt it? would it?

hmm.. questions. lets leave it to answer for itself.
got to head to school.

tata. till later

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007
7:05 AM

arh!!!! I AM FEELING THE PRESSURE OF EVERYTHING COMING TOGETHER.

8 Mile

You only got once chance, do not miss your chance to blow.. this opportunity comes once in a lifetime...

what would i do if its no longer mine?
Why is there always an opportunity cost?
Shouldnt i be just enjoying the moments presented before me?
Why should i fear so much?
Why should i be afraid of regret?

The song keeps playing again and again in my head......

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Saturday, January 06, 2007
6:18 PM

we're all selfish!!!
I dont want to be, but i cant.
quite confused. but i'd take reality as it is.
life pretty much is lovely until the point of time it leaves you dangling.

but,it'll only be for a moment.
It'd wont be long.
really, just wanner have fun:):)

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Friday, January 05, 2007
7:28 AM

Kuishinbo!!!! U bet i'd be there again.
Ladies night and i was all ready and dressed up for action! okay, well not really but i sure about had fun with my food that night, did not missed most of the food as i delicately savour the essense of Japanese..... oh my... dont curse me because i know there are better ones out there just that when my eyes set upon these food there is almost close to no stopping me.

i find it hard to curb the desire inside. bwahahah...

Pictures to adore will be up soon. I promise.

Today was better as i got my arse behind the wheels again. I really hope i'd be able to pass and get hold of that bloody license, it feels good. I just got to stay calm and stop being anervous rack on that day. cross fingers.

mahjong and gym-ed the whole day today. I spend time with my friends. i love them loads. and now that i have reduce my working hours i hope i would den be able to spend time on things i'd really really want to do... which are...
1. Driving license
2. Cooking
3. back to Guitar
4. Crash course on Piano
5. Japanese Language course
6. Horseriding?

Saving it all up. My plan is going to work before i do it 20. Oh well, i;d try, cause i really just wanner enjoy my life. :):):):):):):)

many smiles. till later.

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007
3:43 PM

i would love to just stay home and watch lotsa movies and dvds with my friends.
cook a nice meal for you guys and just laze around.
i'd wish the world isnt so fantastic, but it is.
I cant wait to see the everything, i hope my heart is big enough for all of it.
I wish i'd have no fear of anything, i'd wish i didnt judge like how i am now.
I wish i'm as beautiful inside as the world is.
I cant have enough of this world
if i say i do want everything, its true and its greedy.
It is a mad rush, for god know what.
take me seriously.;)

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007
7:30 AM

okok... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
No resolutions.. just hope to make as many ppl happy as possible heeh.

stupid dinner during countdown @ siloso... made us head for the toilet countless times...

dim sum breakfast after a long countdown night...

Doughnuts courtesy of my cousins mich from AUSSIe.. i dunch usually eat them.. but they look good and i cant resists it.. yum yum.... by the way finally met up with my cousins..

latest addition to my family members.... goldfishes!!! my brother gift from dunno who

OKAY COUNTDOWN PICS WITH MY WORK MATES!!!!! PREVIEW>>>

for those of u guys who i have nt seen in a long time and reads this and u know miss me.. i miss u too... please please contact me and we'd do a meet up....

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.