it got me thinking real hard, harder than i ever did. subtle thinking. I have been pushing myself hard. It gets tired. I swear it does, but i'm happy at that moment. But i question myself, i do. Why? Sometimes it is not only those around you who do not understand you, rather its you.
pain is really only temporary, pain is nothing to me. at least its now all within control of my mind. quitting really is forever. and i know that. i do. But what scares me most is that i dont know when to stop. And before i do learn when to stop, i am afraid that it will have to be put to an end earlier than i want it to be. It might just be taken away from me.
when i get tired, i just keep myself happy. it erases everything. I have not been complicated by things, i know essentially what i still need. To be happy.
and i have been having thoughts these days, if i'd be happy if i'd give it all up. Give up what i have now. and would i still be happy if i continue pushing on. Is it for the better? Will it be?
questions. questions. questions.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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Song Clarice
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April baby (28th)
