Its amazing how the simplest things can make one so happy and crazy and it brings you back to think that it is really those unexpected happenings that trigger these reactions. Its the process, they say. I say, affirmative.
I've been thinking, why have i done so many things, strived for so many achievements and when i do get it,i'd only be estatic for a minute and lost for the rest of the day. I want more, yes, i keep aiming, searching, thriving and reaching for that minute of satisfaction again and again. I want the taste of success, the taste of accomplishment all over again, the green eyes of envy. But, it really never ever lasts, and questions falls into place time and time again. Why? the big question, why is it never enough, or rather why am i still not happy.
The answer is out; because i always have the end in mind,i want this,i must get this, and i will focus and get this. Good enough, i give myself the credit for the ability to bounce back time and time again, despite the upsets and setbacks, but i never really enjoy the process. I am too results oriented, too dead, too society-ruled.
We all want success for the recognition and fame,the looks of passer-by and when we do get it, it never last long. Than we go searching and wondering about what we thought is lost, but it just lies right beside us. so i think again, maybe being a social worker is still what i want. I just need to rekindle what i have missed out all these while.
As for all of life's challenges that i have placed for myself, i guess it is not so much the final outcome, rather i should really start enjoying the process. Take a second as it comes. I should stop worrying. I should laugh like today, because i enjoyed the spontanaeity of the makan session today.
The impromptu calling of old friends to meet up for dinner @ a place reasonably far from home. Balestier's Bak Kut Teh. The decision to sign up for the Terry Fox Run, not only for the exercise but the belief that i can help the least fortunate. Those that really deserve it. The change of breakfast menu. The time given to myself today. Just me, myself and the house. Pretty cool idea.
I guess it takes some knocking sense into me at times, and it really has to knock me hard to get it through.
The 'sense' that has finally got through my head for today is: TO DO SOMETHING BECAUSE I REALLY ENJOY IT, NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE OF IT.
before i sign off, there is still a question... why do i feel sad these days when i see the aged? strong feelings exceptionally for this special group. oh well another story for later.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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