Saturday, September 30, 2006
8:52 AM
zlich. nothing much to update.
ask me. we really shouldnt communciaate through here.:) hee
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, September 25, 2006
9:09 AM
so i am here clearing my mind for the big day.
Well, its not that a big thing. So i guess i'd cut down the hype.
I could be good and sleep early and be focus.
but that would only mean i would be totally prepared, which means i have to succeed and being the coward i am refuse to allow myself to be in such a state, should i need excuses to turn to...
oh man.
all of us start with a clean sheet. The minute you got it going, words will begin to be written in it. Be slow, be steady, be confident... know that you are the one writing down the story, how the story unfolds is all in your mind. go through wad you need to hype yourself, but be calm and steady. its all in your hands, girl... it really is.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
8:42 AM
i sincerely believed that i was no where near being awake this morning. Could barely keep my eyes open during the day, there was no question of the fact that i would immediately doze off the minute i settle down for more than 5 minutes. Goodness gracious spare the girl some energy, looking at the way she has been rather diligently giving her body a rest.
True enough, you have never seen me more often at home than during this past week. I certainly do hope i can keep up with this habit for some time, the trick is to refrain from making so many appointments. Wouldnt my life be boring? Oh man...I'll be good. My life wont be boring, but at the same time i'd cut myself some slack.
Speaking of which, i never thought i'd discover this but while i was on my way out of the island, these caucasian woman sat with three kids and as weird as this may sound, i see the mother-figure in her. I see the patience and love i dont see in any asian mothers. Perhaps, its the way of showing love. I'd probably run up to hug her.
" Now you got to tell her to stop when you are no longer comfortable with it," Patient Mum to Son
" And you got to stop,'cos you'd never know when is too much for him, okay?" Patient Mum to daughter.
You see? Asian Mums dont explain do they?
They just go," Stop PLaying lah!"
hilarious but true. It gets tiring planning gatherings, no i dont enjoy da process of it, but yes, i still want to do it anyway. At least once in awhile.
How much hidden talent do we have in ourselves? i want it all, really? the passion and the energy. I want to be on a forever high. Volunteered for the Singapore Cancer Society. Impulse yes. Dedication. Definitely. I'm no girl, who is lost not knowing what to do. Now i want to be strong and be that girl that knows what she wants in life. But dont be afraid, i'm still sweet and nice.
Mothers are all the same really, they give and give and give and give.....
I am getting tired again. very fast very quickly. *yawnz* but i am smiling these days.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
8:48 AM
i must say that i have learnt a lot this days, and i am still learning. Learning how to really live a life without having to compromise the important things in life.
I had a great bonding session yesterday with my sentosa friends. Ying Rong, Shuyu and YJ. We decided on Grand Coporthorne Hotel for their Mexican feast buffet. There were lots of fun and laughter throughout the journey. i had lotsa smiles and fun. REALLy! The great thing was that we even manage to catch the fireworks for the IMF closing. The day could not have gotten any better. It sounds close to fairtale, because of how it ended. Definitely. We even cheers to friendship.
With all due respect, meetings early in the morning are never good for me. I was rushing the minute i woke up. Due to the excessive food i ate the previous night, i had to force my tired body in the morning for some crunches and lunges. I had to pack my bag with a day worth of activity, like gym wear, the clothes for the musical as well as my breakfast. Yes, i am wary of my breakfast these days.
I arrived late of course and i left straightaway after the meeting for gym. It was a normal SB class, but the instructor was rather amusing. How she ended off the class with thoughts to keep your mind dwindling. Apparently i am like 2 or 3 decades younger than the people who attended class today, and they were talking about how short life is and how those that were present and optimize their life and were rather happy about it. They were even being radical about money importance.
But one thing that i do admire of the woman in the room was the fact that they have gone through so much and have come on top of it, in fact i would say very successful. You do not seen the lines of tiredness or lethargy, those woman that came today are great believers of life and are living proof of it.
How she even mentioned people of the west are unfortunate, and that term is being used rather loosely. They deem themselves unfortunate if they do not have good food to eat, take that as an example. How she even mentioned that we all just need 5 basics , of which i only remember these, and that is if i remember them- shelter, food, family, friends and lastly love ( someone volunteered money,haha)
life is too short? but if it too long we would never cherish them- lady no.3
i left the class, determined for a run on the treadmill. The sudden determination from those women has spurred some adredaline rush through my body.
Forbidden city was good. Kit chan wasnt the lead singer. But it still had the essence of a musical. Got to admit i expected greater stage presense, maybe due to the hype about it. Further more, i had a very good impression of A Twist of Fate. nevertheless, it still wowed me. I left the place rather satisfied and with no complaints.
Home;night- i felt the need to continue the burst of energy that i had with myself through the day. I watched a Lee Hom concert Dvd, and got all inspirational about your cause in life. He like what he was doing, therefore he looked good in it, i thought i would too wouldnt i? Then, i came up with thoughts of learning all instruments...
That is so me, jack of all trades, master of none.
I really do want it all; i want to try all of what life has to offer.
I'm bubbly, i am always high, but i have my down moments too, i love being what you all describe me to be, but i do have another side of me too. I am too focus, too concentrated, too results-driven at times beneath the other side. I guess everything in life is about balance and i really hope i have done it.
Thats enough stuff for today. pictures will be up soon enough.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, September 18, 2006
7:20 AM
i went past a red light. was not intentionally.:)
pretty much speaks about my life. always dashing red lights.
i pretty much have to remind myself about doing something because i love it not because i want to succeed in it. It really does make things better and i do feel more relax.
i reach home real early today. i did all the basic housework and settled down. it really took me some time to breathe in the air of the house i used to spend majority of the time in. These days it seems like just a refugee camp. Harsh but true, i have got to admit these words. Question my occupancy in the house and i guess it is really nothing compared to the time i spend out of it.
guilty yes, regret no.
Should i relinquish my sense of belonging here i guess i'd treat it less of refugee camp and more of a home. Dont misinterprete the meaning here though. I love this place just that i am missing the home factor. But now that breakfast are not takeaways, i guess i will be able to spend more time developing emotions for this roof over my head.:) Its a good thing, really.
I am contemplating lunch and dinner try outs at the kitchens but them seem a little too dangerous right now. Dangerous for my taste buds as well as the for the kitchen.
I went grocery shopping after my make shift dinner. would say i had a pretty healthy stake out today. Cereals and high fibre bread in the morning along with 2 wheat bars 5 sushis another round of cereals and homemade noodles. cool huh?
I have no idea where this would be getting me, but i pretty much respect people who really do take of their body, because your body does equals to your life. and life is pretty important to me.
oh yea, conclusion of yesterday's entry....... i am selfish. i am honest, so cut me some slack okay?:) No hidden meaning, just being true to my needs.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
7:48 AM
is it a mistake a made once in a blue moon, or do i make such mistakes consistently without knowing. Do i take my friends for granted, really, honestly do i? That is the last thing i want to happen.I definitely do not want to appear to be the one not playing a part in a friendship, i definitely hope all my friends understand.
I do have lots of things on my mind, lots of up coming events. I might be busy with keeping track with my own life that i tend to neglect the ones that are right in front of me. So should i change the way things are working now? But than arent we all selfish creatures who tend to leave some contingency plans so as not to ruin it. I believe there are good souls out that who differ and who truly treat everyone with utmost respect. But i am not there yet, and i do doubt my ability to be that.
I am afraid of letting go right now, of the back-ups. I dont know, i guess in a way it is me already, embedded somewhere inside. I made poor Chalven wait for me, after saying we would go home together, and though i could have came up with excuses, i knew better not to, this is a friend i cherish. While in an exact same scenario, i let shiya wait for me an hour before having dinner. I do feel bad, just that i know this is friend who will understand.
Maybe i am still not good at this multi-tasking ideology... I appear to be doing it all, but i get caught up once in awhile. Guess this is one of the times... oh well, i shant be too hard on myself again... i know better.
The run today at sentosa was good, clocked 40mins for 9km, had good meals. my stomach is satisfied and if that is the case, my mind, body and soul would be happy too.
my well is running dry, should control the spending process. I do need to stay focus for this week. at least for this week..... we will than see how things go a week later, more analysis and decisions might be made later. i'm tired, should listen to my body after a long day.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, September 15, 2006
8:22 AM
Its amazing how the simplest things can make one so happy and crazy and it brings you back to think that it is really those unexpected happenings that trigger these reactions. Its the process, they say. I say, affirmative.
I've been thinking, why have i done so many things, strived for so many achievements and when i do get it,i'd only be estatic for a minute and lost for the rest of the day. I want more, yes, i keep aiming, searching, thriving and reaching for that minute of satisfaction again and again. I want the taste of success, the taste of accomplishment all over again, the green eyes of envy. But, it really never ever lasts, and questions falls into place time and time again. Why? the big question, why is it never enough, or rather why am i still not happy.
The answer is out; because i always have the end in mind,i want this,i must get this, and i will focus and get this. Good enough, i give myself the credit for the ability to bounce back time and time again, despite the upsets and setbacks, but i never really enjoy the process. I am too results oriented, too dead, too society-ruled.
We all want success for the recognition and fame,the looks of passer-by and when we do get it, it never last long. Than we go searching and wondering about what we thought is lost, but it just lies right beside us. so i think again, maybe being a social worker is still what i want. I just need to rekindle what i have missed out all these while.
As for all of life's challenges that i have placed for myself, i guess it is not so much the final outcome, rather i should really start enjoying the process. Take a second as it comes. I should stop worrying. I should laugh like today, because i enjoyed the spontanaeity of the makan session today.
The impromptu calling of old friends to meet up for dinner @ a place reasonably far from home. Balestier's Bak Kut Teh. The decision to sign up for the Terry Fox Run, not only for the exercise but the belief that i can help the least fortunate. Those that really deserve it. The change of breakfast menu. The time given to myself today. Just me, myself and the house. Pretty cool idea.
I guess it takes some knocking sense into me at times, and it really has to knock me hard to get it through.
The 'sense' that has finally got through my head for today is:
TO DO SOMETHING BECAUSE I REALLY ENJOY IT, NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE OF IT.
before i sign off, there is still a question... why do i feel sad these days when i see the aged? strong feelings exceptionally for this special group.
oh well another story for later.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
9:16 AM
i love the Yami Yougurt , especially natural and peach mixed in a regular size cup top with granola.
i love the chicken rice and mee pok at far east plaza, with seats you always have to share with someone else.
i love the the prawns at Pete's place, with food that fills ur stomach too fast.
i love sashimi from anywhere, it is just so nice to bite on.
i love escargoes from Jack's place, because i haven tried nicer ones else where.
i love the salmon n mushroom bake rice at Swenson, i always get it with french fries and ice cream to go with.
i love all of subways subs but i only love oatmeal rasins cookie, eating out is always a better solution.
i love the steamboat @ parkway parade's foodcourt, though mel might differ with me.
i love the peranakan food at the old turfclub, the guy there seem to give us special service and the place is called simply peranakan.
i love the caesar salad at the coffee bean, topped with either smoked salmon or chicken.
i really love food alot huh. haha.
I think i can only live my life a day as it is before i stress out, because there is far too many things to remember, i might just suffer dementia even before my mum. i had a rather fufilling day today with driving lessons and cardiolatino dance lessons, meeting up with my good ole pals. With delicious steak- fire steak for me and chilling session @ the top of the M. whoaa... fulfilling indeed am satisfied. gym 2 days in a row. if i do go tomorrow it be the 3rd. I think i should just go....
i've got no guts to look at my results. rumoured to be out real soon.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, September 11, 2006
5:30 PM
i've got this strong sudden thing for eggs. everything that i am eating this days would somehow include eggs... oh boy... yum yum. my eating has also increased, though it is cause i am eating smaller portion and that is also because i am lost for food.. like i am suddenly lost as to what i should eat.
seems that my body biological alarm clock has been waking me up at 8am sharp everyday.i've no idea if it is a good or bad thing. The past few days has been great at work because i have crazy people working with me, so we are like wacky and tacky and working at the same time, can you even call it work like that?? haha.
I was finally back at the gym yesterday and i guess it is really a time i call my own, after that i just feel so damn refreshed. oh yea, i didnt mentioned that i went for spa and a day of indulgence with yap right? how cool can it get, it is what i also had in mind. I've got driving today wish me luck, hopefully i am able to grasp everything into my brain and muscles till sept25th. If i am not wrong. haha. cant even remember my test dates. Must keep the faith, I can do it haha. slowly ah...
yea!! forbidden city is coming soon i cant wait for it!! and tonight i am going to have a great catch up session with Jimmy aka Jimbo and Rachael. Miss those days when we were working together at sentosa. so lame and lame... hahahaha..... okok....
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
8:44 AM
i had a lot to say but i am like wordstruck now...
life has been pretty good, i am enjoying every minute of it, every minute is like filled to the maximum, which is kinda scary. haha. i never know i could fulfil and lead a life so satisfying. I went swimming and i need to find another location soon for swimming...
work is okay i guess with new lunch companion, i'm enjoying my breaks a lot...
my new colleague kinda couldnt take the stress and was all weird and cranky.. i just hope she can adapt to it quickly... oh well... from today onwards i am trying to minimise the negativities.. remember only the good....
steve irwin's death kinda reminded me about my motto in life: carpe diem
i'm believeing in it always...
i just want to smile everyday and have fun...:)
i've no choice but to postpone tennis to next week, i hope all things goes well.. lalalala....tennis tmr...more later...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Monday, September 04, 2006
3:06 AM
shall keep this a short one.... i finally took heed from the internal voice and took all things slow today.. so far i am enjoying every single bit of life today.. when for a swim in the morning.... for an hour plus ... than we had a good sushi healthy lunch with Yami and Lot1.
caught On the Edge at JP. Met suria and simyee.
cancelled plans for steak tonight. decided to crash my house instead with some quality time spend at home.
I am lurving this lazing around today.
and swimming makes me lame and crazy... haha.. MORE MORE!!!!! i think thursday would be fun too. i hope...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
9:20 AM
all the best to ur future job Ann.
nothing much to say today, just that i sense changes in life...
sitting,thinking,wondering,yearning....
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
8:59 AM
no pics for today.. break time for me tee hee....
while heading back home from work today, there were lots of people.. now dont get me wrong, i am okay with people, i dont have any phobia when it comes to crowds.. just that today's crowd consists of lotsa foreign workers and its their stare and their alcohol smell that kind of scares me.
Not that i dont drink, or dont have friends who drink ... but these people arent my friends and they just keep looking and staring and they are in groups, i am like.... alone?? and when they enter the train they just keep pushing and pushing... and they are just everywhere... seriously, i havent felt so threatened before.. was so glad the train ride was over soon enough...
y ish there no shows on tv today?????????????? haha.i am so random today.
work tmr again...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, September 01, 2006
7:59 AM
wa... second time disappointed. No movie slots for the break up. oh man, why is it that when i do have the time to watch a movie, none of the time slots fit my timing... how ironic huh? but devils'wear prada was sufficient enough to keep our time occupied.
Its good, these time that we spend because i do appreciate doing this little things that may seem nothing to others but actually its quite a big thing for me. I mean i dont get to do such often and when i do, i make sure it counts. And it did, the makan session before the movie with chal and shiya was mind boggling haha...
than it got me thinking to some point in time about me quitting da job. yes, this job that i have been with for 7 months and seem kinda inseperable. I know at some time it has got to end and i dont want to be too rash to make the decision now, but i kinda want to put it to an end like soon. New beginnings you may say but hmm... i dont know... i've been known to make such decisions...SUCH LIFE TURNING DECISIONS...
we shall see how it goes then, nothing stays thats for sure...
ok if i go back to horse riding i need to put aside 700 bucks..
and i am starting tennis so i got to put aside 100 bucks...
and swimming, and continue with amore, driving
y am i doing so many things??haha..hmm... i'm thinking hard.....i guess i just got to believe that i am on the right track,because i am kind of blinded by some doubts right now and you know what? it seems that the so many things that i am going after, it seems like an endless cycle, i dont wish to think of it this way but it seems to be...
than the devil in u start answering back with the smart idea that screw those worries man, you only live once, which is true in a way but ..... you cant just live life on the fast lane without stopping to think once in awhile..
now you see what your mind can do to you when it gets the off day from school.. haha..
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
