forever.

Sunday, July 30, 2006
8:25 AM

emotional entry, stay clear if you want to judge me or pity me. I dont need it and dont want it

i am leading a very fufilling life. i hours are packed. but i have been sacrificing time spent with friends and family. Time that normal poly students are spending on. Not that i am not normal, just that i am not the usual student. The atypical student would spend time mugging for projects and slacking their time away with their cliques, basically enjoying life as a student. so thats where friendship are bonded..

for me now, its like... my free time is never their free time... i am a 19 year old student but i dont have a lifestyle like theirs. I dont do the usual things. i cannot be like that, or rather i chose a path that is not like theirs... because honestly speaking i find that lifestyle a little waste of time... i am speeding up my life a little faster by combining the what-will-be to now... and i am seeing and doing things that people will be doing 5 years later down the road...

I have chosen this path, i cant see myself turning back, not because i cant afford to lose it, but because i know even if i do make a choice to be whom they are, i wont be any more happier than now, in fact except from the occasional lack of freedom and entertainment and friendship..
everything else is okay.

friends tend to forget you, cause they assume you are no longer free...
family tend to have high expectation from you, cause they think you are doing much more...
colleagues start to think u are no longer studying because you are always working...
and YOU, start to get confuse because you are neither here nor there...

i know the answer deep down... i will stick to the lifestyle i have now.. asking me to choose the lifestyle my other friends are living now...(studying,living off their parents, having time for entertainment and time to slack, spending the time doing lotsa questioning and asking rather than working on it) it is a little bias, what i am saying now... but it would not be what i want...

its sad.i am sad.its a fact. people do drift apart.
i have not cried for a long time.
I am not ashame to cry this time, because i am beginning to see life the way it is. and i can only pray to be stronger and to let me be who i am, not to lose track of what i want ultimately.

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.