there are a dozen and one questions that i have... i know this place is not 100% private and there are things that i am not sure if i can put it here..
Recently i chanced upon a phone that held my past number that was lying around my house, the number was vacant which means not many people are using that line in my house and when i was looking through the inbox i found a message that says," Clarice, Please call me back urgently." It was dated 2 months back.
There is this sudden guilt that hit me. Have you tried looking for me but i was oblivious to all of it? Did you seek help but i was ignorant of it? Was these all meant to be?
Before i came across this message i was such an idiot, i blamed you, i questioned your credibility, i pondered over your rights and i even condemned you. I am ashamed of my undoings and i know its wrong.
Now that i have found out about this, i asked myself if i have the courage to walk up to you and ask what have you been going through all these while, i guess i would choose to shy away. I have not have the guts to face my mistake, my negligence.
Suddenly its not about this one incident, it is also about many many incident that i have come across but chose to be nonchalent about it. I chose to ignore and be selfish, i chose to focus on me, me and only me. I refused to think further anymore.
I used to help regardless of the obstacles, now i have tamed. i have shyed away from the burdens and the opportunity to undertake all of it. Now i carry a different weight, a weight to ensure financial stability and a bright future. You see, now its all about me.
Right here, right now, i seek your forgiveness. Though you might never read this, i hope you are doing well. I am not going to make this entry private, anyway, i bet most would not figure what i am rambling about. But for the you who is somewhere out there, i hope you hear my thoughts.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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Song Clarice
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April baby (28th)
