forever.

Thursday, December 29, 2005
7:22 AM

Beach Action!

Seems as i have been to the beach quite frequently during this break!
back to being a beach girl( in cuz eugene words) ha ha.

Oh man. Nature is cool man, but i got to be quite protective of my hair cause it decolorises, so yea, unglam! but lying on the sand, getting down to the sea and playing beach ball and fris. is cool man!!

I think i have not played beach ball in a long time my wrist is bursting with red dots. internal bleeding ha ha! but it was fun la! we even had a fair share of rain and sun today. awesome huh!!

minus the immense crowd i bet it would be a great day!

Thanks Mr. Chal for the organising it!
Mahjong anyone? he he.

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
8:21 AM

A thinks of herself most of the time.
A does things her way.
A has friends who sacrifices most of the time for her, but A does not seem to care.
A shuts people away, thinking that she lives in this world of her own.
A expects people to take the initiative.
A turns the finger around when we do not take the iniative.
A does not oblige even if we DO take the initiative.

A pisses me off with her attitude.I have tried bearing with it, but there has to be a line and a limit. Obviously she does not know where it lies, i dont understand why she cant be more understanding, why does she have to be such a critique. Why cant she just give and take and realise there are many less fortunate people around her. Why cant she just realise that the world does not revolve around you...

F***! I am seriously disappointed and pissed at her!

A would never seem to care anyway.

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Monday, December 26, 2005
6:07 PM

okok... now these pictures that you'd be seeing below basically wraps up my xmas celebration yeapz!! enjoy them before new year's pictures start flowing in hehe!

had fun yesterday bbq-ing at cheryl's house...MICHELLE SAID I"M A GOOD CHEF!!! i am so happy. i love michelle. and i love MICHELLE WHEN SHE IS THE DEALER IN BLACKJACK!! cause i keep winning he he.. I DUN LIKE CHALVEN WHEN HE"S THE DEALER.i keep losing!! ha ha. I love my MAHJONG KAKIS too!!

this is only part of the food... we were too busy cooking and eating.....:)
yea! thats mel and her log cake. she could really eat finish the whole log cake man!!
SEE!! SEE!!! she is trying eat it all up!! LOG CAKE courtesy of cheryl's mum! Thank Q!
OOOoooo huge fire!!!! started by Cheryl's grandfather.... he's damn cool man!! damn farnie too!see the mini fan mel is holding our latest invention hhaha!
better picture!! our chefs of the day!!
this was me and yap!! my fave bud!at the balcony!!!
this was us waiting for HUISHAN TO ARRIVE OUTSIDE CRYSTAL JADE!! our number was 44!!!me and my bro Chalven!! at Wrappamania!!!

This are my gal friends!!! had fun thanks pals!!!

and yea thats all for now... while i mug for my projects these two days... u guys stay grounded and be sane yea? wait till i come!!!! love you guys loads... SIYIN I LOVE YOU!!sudden urge to say that....needa hit the gym soon. though i havent put on any hur hurhur.... lucky me... shall start prancing around soon... lalalalalalal

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Sunday, December 25, 2005
8:27 AM

okok... lets round up the days before christmas..

we had a mini celebration at kumon! goodness... i actually bonded with them on xmas eve.. i mean we crapped and talked and crapped. whatelse. we got a log cake and red wine. been eating too much these days and drinking too much.. i needa get rid of all of it before CNY. by than i think i would be eating again. goodness. the never ending cycle.

after the mini celebration i met shiya to collect my Muar Otah, Ipoh White coffee and what have you... than head back to JP to have dinner than bought some prezzie and headed home... heard some news made me love my gg friends even more. really love them.

anyway i was real tired and just fell asleep ha ha!

than today xmas day itself.
went to my couz michelle's house, it was real fun, i mean lotsa laughter and fun and of course catching up with couzs and OF COURSE the food and the wine!!! think i ate too much.. damn blardy full.. and there's a pic of us couz lemme show you. courtesy of my couz mich. which of course i stole from her blog ha ha..

nice huh..... looking forward to more couz gatherings... it was fun... left to fetch couz gavin home den headed to meet up with my friends to get some things done.. and than i ate again.. really couldnt take in anymore so i just stare at the nice boiling pot of coca steamboat that was right in front of my face..... hai! how sad... than came home to slack and watch some VCDs and i am tired... got to get down to more gatherings tomorrow...

i wanner go eat durians and kushinbo!!!!!!!! and go MOS with couz and friends!!!!!

i wanner upload somemore pics but i am just so freaking lazy and the thought of going back to the stupendous sch that has a stupendous system is stupendously stupid.. aiight.. i shall go entertain myself... got to get down to gym and classes.

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Friday, December 23, 2005
7:14 AM

goodness. the tiredness is spilling over each day. i eat and sleep like nobody's business ha ha.
anyway, i had fun out with BPOS peeps! fact of da day was it was a gossip day and conclusion is, shari ann believes everything chalven says, and shari ann stinks cause she did not wipe her arse.(inside joke) ha ha. settled at wrappamania talked till the cows come home.. wandered around a little longer ended up at maxwell.

only to find the place not condusive. and we left for home.
work today, after distributing gifts to my co workers. i wonder if should get stuff for the kids. i'd go broke la! crap.

more gatherings next week. and projects are nowhere done. i'm a gonner. save me ha ha.
i still owe u guys. 2 sets of pics.i'd see if i can get them up asap! i;m lazy

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
10:16 PM

this is my ttc outing with shuying.. yea.. there was supposed to be more.. but what to do ha ha.... all so busy everywhere.. but its good enough.. nice catching up before christmas.....
more pics later.....

me and shuying... christmas tree...weee

me and shuying... this is the dunno 100 shot???? ha ha

one more time...

yum yum.. ice cream that looked like snow balls..... its xmas time!!!!

that was our set course!!!! BAKED RICE AGAIN!!! my fav!!

me behind mr snowman!!

see the snowman... so cute.... shuying exchanged pressie with me..

she caught me on camera... with sleepy eyes... grrr... ha ha

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005
8:20 PM

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

havent been updating for a long time as you can see, been to genting.. the trip was aiight, filled with lotsa spending of money, but din really exactly spend alot. cause... the things there are cheap, so we watched movie, sang karaoke, eat lotsa food and cuisine, in various restaurants,....... played games, shopped.... yea most of ur christmas presents are bought there....

bowled and pooled like crazy, think i would have had enough of it now that i am back in spore...

the highlight of the trip was of course, the stolen pouch. Screw that person who took it man... dun they have any conscience..... funny thing was we were acting like detectives, especially me and shiya ha ha.. damn drama... but thank god in the end Cheryl got back her most important document her passport!!!! damnit!!!

than the next day after we are back i went to the beach with cheryl. yea! my long lost place.. have not been there since ages ago,it was real freaking hot than it started to get cloudy... grr... ha ha.... so we washed up and than went to sit in the then again hot sun... eating BEN AND JERRY!! he he.. than we headed to suntec on a shopping spree!!!

met YIJIA AND EVELYN~~ weeeeee....... so fun.....

We had crysal jade... porridge and noodles.. cause we wanted to detox from the food we ate at genting ha ha... okok so let see after that we went to shop... and cheryl bought lotsa stuff man!!!! she said she wanted to numb the pain ha ha..... think she spend over 100 plus dollars.. haha...

As for tues, i went for my driving in the freaking early morning, and i drove like shit la, cause i was damn shagged. than the minute i headed home i slept, i overslept too!! damnit. was supposed to meet shuying at 1:15 but i arrive an hour later... i was damn shagged.

than after having jack's with her we took lotsa crappy pictures and exchanged pictures.. cool man!! den we headed to town, i met up with YAP! shopping again.. bought two tops and what else... met up with HUISHAN... for catching up at crystal jade for dinner. hehe

than it was slacking at THE BALCONY at heeren.... cool!
today, i'm just slacking my time away watching vcds and prob studying and lastly work later...
more later. pics uploading

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Sunday, December 18, 2005
2:39 AM

usus

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

again cold!! with barang barang

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

me and shiya

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

me and cheryl

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

freezing cold

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

the korean food!!!! we ate...reasonable price man

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

coffee terrace...buffet breakfast

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

this is a betta view of da word! haha

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

the hotel view from below:)

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

the bus ride up... super vip but not so fantastic..

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Monday, December 12, 2005
6:28 AM

since i figured i wasnt going to find much pleasure in school, i decided to focus my attention outta school and into work. Remember how i always loved being a social worker. It was my childhood dream. Till now i still hear the calling of it, but it has died down a little and now being a teacher has seemed to be so promising. I wonder why, ever since starting the job at Kumon i found such joy in helping these kids in whatever way i could.

So working there no longer seem like a tedious task, although i do it on alternate days, now i seem to enjoy the fruits of the labour, and i am not sure i am game for other jobs. You know what, i think life's just like that, nothing is yours forever or rather to put it nicely, you are part of everything and i strongly feel so.

From social worker, i have moved on to thoughts of being in the travel industry than i have moved towards entrepreneurship and than now to teaching. Maybe it is all part of me, maybe i love playing every single role life has given me. But just maybe teaching right now has given me the best opportunity.

I have asked myself many a times, why dont i settle for a guy now? Start looking and find an eligible one and just get down to business. But i know me, since young i never stayed at her thing for long. Even my hobbies are changing frequently, i used love wrestling like crazy, will die for it, than it shifted to soccer, and when i thought i found the right one, it soon became something else.

I guess i am just do not belong to something nor can i belong to someone. I dont belong in a sense. I wandered, i try, i explore, i'm different, i'm filled with emotions, i'm tempermental, i'm me!

I used to hate this aspect of me, till today. Sounds cheesy, but i have found this huge factor of me that i am beginning to accept and like and still continuing to understand as days go by. I am beginning to make myself free of my past and my expectations...

disappointment is goes just as happiness stays.
gofigure.

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Sunday, December 11, 2005
8:24 AM

there are a dozen and one questions that i have... i know this place is not 100% private and there are things that i am not sure if i can put it here..

Recently i chanced upon a phone that held my past number that was lying around my house, the number was vacant which means not many people are using that line in my house and when i was looking through the inbox i found a message that says," Clarice, Please call me back urgently." It was dated 2 months back.

There is this sudden guilt that hit me. Have you tried looking for me but i was oblivious to all of it? Did you seek help but i was ignorant of it? Was these all meant to be?

Before i came across this message i was such an idiot, i blamed you, i questioned your credibility, i pondered over your rights and i even condemned you. I am ashamed of my undoings and i know its wrong.

Now that i have found out about this, i asked myself if i have the courage to walk up to you and ask what have you been going through all these while, i guess i would choose to shy away. I have not have the guts to face my mistake, my negligence.

Suddenly its not about this one incident, it is also about many many incident that i have come across but chose to be nonchalent about it. I chose to ignore and be selfish, i chose to focus on me, me and only me. I refused to think further anymore.

I used to help regardless of the obstacles, now i have tamed. i have shyed away from the burdens and the opportunity to undertake all of it. Now i carry a different weight, a weight to ensure financial stability and a bright future. You see, now its all about me.

Right here, right now, i seek your forgiveness. Though you might never read this, i hope you are doing well. I am not going to make this entry private, anyway, i bet most would not figure what i am rambling about. But for the you who is somewhere out there, i hope you hear my thoughts.

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Thursday, December 08, 2005
10:20 PM

Every friday i feel so homely, because i am learning driving, makes me feel as if i have a family to take care of ha ha... and driving always seems to make me experience different type of emotions, like today i was learning parallel parking.. not bad.. but after that when it comes to just driving i was spacing out ha ha... than i would simply just head home for lunch- Cup Noodles(MSG free) and my ever reliable fruit and nut bread plus either Yakult or water.

Yea! i am a healthy girl ha ha.

i would rest and than head for work and after work i'd come home for dinner or supper whichever u like to call it. And it'd be simple too just soup. hehe:)

Anyway, yesterday was the only day i get to hang out because considering the piles and piles of projects and the never ending long hours of work and school and amore, it just seems like time is never enough. So when i finally handed in my EFMA project which i spelt is as EMFA??? ha ha... which made the lecturer laugh ha ha.okok anyway, wanted to head to the Balcony for dinner. but the fact that i already had western food in the afternoon makes me turn away from there.

So went to our ever reliable crystal Jade Kitchen restaurant. First time in the week, i;ve eaten something so sinful.. but it is all for the hard work i am going through for the rest of the week ha ha. and of course, there are more to come, goodness gracious me!!!! so i chatted and gossiped and had fun over there, and after that we just walked around especially Paragon, like Rich Tai Tai... and it was freaking early about 8 plus 9, i just could take the tiredness and we headed home.

*yawn*... i fell asleep at a record breaking time of 12:00? thats considred early for me. Bummer.Next week i'm packed again. Work on Mon nights, Amore on Tues and possible gathering with couz, Work on Wed Night, Gathering with guides peeps on Thurs!! Hair Makeover!! than it is.... drum roll.... GENTING TRIP... whoooHoooo.... i dont mind the tiredness now.....

tata till later....

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005
8:52 AM

arh.. my back is aching.. think its from amore.. must have use too much of my back.. haha... goodness gracious.. i cant wait to gather with everybody... BPOS outsource peeps!! Shari ann dunch worry we'd meet pretty soon.. and i'd try to be there for ya birthday celebration. but no guarantees because i have to work ha ha... sorry gal, but i wish ya the very best. sincerely.:)

and TTC peeps. Been missing the hell outta them ha ha... have not been attending lectures, so i am seeing less of them too... must sit with them someday during lectures and catch up.... 0406 peeps.. goodness.. always so much fun with u guys... boxing day gathering yea? guides.. yea.. meeting a bunch of wacko to dye hair hehe... exciting man!

okok... i like short cute guys. ha ha.. randomness... nothng much more later.
genting trip whooooo....

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Sunday, December 04, 2005
7:34 AM

i suddenly have all these sudden pangs of uneasiness that flows inside of me..which brings me back to Rick and his family. How i also feel so peaceful and calm after reading their real life account, now that they have chosen to go into seclusion, i respect their right but at the same time yearn for some disclosure about them...

they say my attention are always short and i do agree but this particular group of people has always lingered in and out of my head...now that i am feeling all so mood 'swingy', i really wish i do get a chance to CHANCE upon his writings...

i woke up today with such routine that i wish i could just lay in bed and never ever wake up, the lack of spontaenity has led this sudden run of fatigue and soon it might just lead to self doubts.. I am beginning to be very suspicious of my stand among my friends, now its not just friends but this buncha friends that i use to be close too, and its not so much suspicious about them but its about me now.

yes, i have been freaking busy with i dunnoe what since forever, there seemed to be countless events happening more mentally than phsyically... and i have neglected the presence of the past.. call it moving on, its a phase, but it still leaves me hanging on to its fine thread like a bait to a fish... stagnant not wanting or bothering or even able to move away...

this is all being too intellectual.. haha...

like what i said before, a girl is only complete if she lets in to her emotions and embrace the love and care around her....i'm learning....

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.

Friday, December 02, 2005
9:47 AM

i know how a friendship or a relationship can be ruined just like that when the doubts and suspicions starts setting in... or when the expectations starts to overwrite the idea that any kind of relationship should be as pure and simple as it is... there should be no obligations what so ever...

i have expectations for my friends and i hate that about myself, but on the other hand being on the other side of the picture, i am beginning to see things in a whole new different light. and i begin to understand the beauty of being there by not being THERE. ha ha.

I hope somehow people around me are able to understand that. My life is filled with countless obligations that i dont want any kind of relationship to be of any more obligations, because the most important relationship has already gone to prove to be a heavy one..

despite the busy schedule and the tough exterior front, i do seek for the comforts of a relationship.

anyways, that aside, completed this week safely ha ha..... work on mon, wed, fri... driving lessons, amore classes, tutorials and projects....phew....more to come...

the minute i came home from driving in the morning at 10am i slept all the way till 3pm before i left for work till 10pm. goodness gracious!

i'm not gonna stand here and wait.