I am really sorry. I am such an ass. Things happened and i wasnt there, i wasnt the one who used to stand by you no matter what, i wasnt the one who listen to your woes, and not because i had no time, but more because i wasnt willing to. I was afraid i would know more than i should.
Selfish idiot. I am a selfish idiot. I would have been the first to know about it, and now i am not. Than again, its not about fighting to be the first to know, but rather, i wasnt there when u needed someone, who knows what have gone through your mind. Now i am just some typical selfish idiot, who cares about her own life, too selfish to be concern about her loved ones.
Now it hit me right in my face, what i have become, sucha small fart. I shall not let this continue, i love you, i wont let my selfishness rule myself anymore, i'd make time for you. I am just lucky its nothing too serious and there is still time for things to be aiight. It puts so much things into perspective. Rick, where are you? I miss you, how have you been doing?
on another note, i finally laid my hands on Wee Kim Wee's autobiography and Rich Dad, Poor Dad book.. had a round of badminton with my brother, lost terribly, 15-5, 8-4( didnt have time to finish the second set) we were practising before it.
now i am just reminiscing, feeling all so fucked up and guilty.... i miss Shu Xian and Alvin, but i dont have the strong emotions, issit ok? what is ok anymore.. damn.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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Song Clarice
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April baby (28th)
