i feel horrible today, i dunno why, i dont feel right, everything is just so wrong. But things are okay, okay i am contradicting myself , i mean i am have doubts about so many things about life, and i dunno how to handle this sudden confusion, and so i agreed to go drink with Ah Yap. I drank alot but the alot is never enough cause everytime i want to get drunk i cant.
When i wanted to take the bus back home, i was in an all time down mood but its because of a mixture of issues, like should i compromise my beliefs for an easier path? But hell, i know life can never ever go the way you want it to, its all about opportunity cost, so here i am struggling. :(
I am not happy with many decisions, if i want to dig deep, i can say i am not happy with life, but i am trying to take whatever as it comes, so i dare say i am rather cool with things in life no matter how shitty or sucky it can get but still, when i do think, which i do cause i have a brain, i still see the little holes here and there that i know i can make it better. But i know life is not perfect. So it is the here and there issue thing again, and i know the answer is to balance things out but i dunno how and i am not exhausted yet but i believe i will with all the monotony of life.
Which is something i am so not looking foward to....grrrr..... this and that here and there... so many, too many. Everybody is telling me to take things slowly , hoping that i do not regret, and i know whatever i do i'd never regret. but..but..... but..... i dunno wads wrong.... why do i feel so confused so sad at this very moment......
i want to cry...i need to cry... i need to breakaway again.... shit. it is all starting all over again. no its not. i dont think so the thing is not so intense yet.. so yea... no, its not happening. ok i'll be alright again.... after tomorrow. it will all be okay...
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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