Tears are signs of anger within myself. The expectations and nothing else I walk through life adding a little more each time only to be brought down once in awhile
I rather you not see these with each questions you ask i feel more at ease and the tears will just keep falling cause i know you have just saved me from myself
So, dont even try telling me cause i only know too sure what it will be
it will only be this once where you will ever get a chance to see all that you'll ever will see within i will remember and i will run too ashame to let you see
Tears will fall and i will never be able to stop like the strongest person i will ever have beside me i trust you and will not even try and the tears will not just be all that subsides
I will make it, maybe that's how it always is but i will never let it be ever again a time like this for you to see cause i have to move on and be strong the next time we will meet
it will only be this once where you get a chance to see all that you ever will see within i will remember and i will run too ashame to let you see this on a repeat
cos i will make it, that's how it always will be, and i will never let it be, ever again a time for you to see all of these....
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
6:26 AM
I want to vent my frustration. Enough of playing cool, i guess its good to complain once in awhile. I am so tired of keeping up, or rather losing pace.
There is so much readings to do, and i dont just want to read, i want to capture it all, i want to understand. Then, there is another side of my life that i want to be involved in and i want to do it well too. So you see the conflict. How do i cope and ensure that i do not fall of both places or fall of all the places?
Playing cool and nonchalent comes naturally, but i dont want that anymore i want to push the boundaries. Then again, pushing it might really lead to an unknown reaction. You know the thing about cause and effect. How interesting that is. I have not explored that in a long time.
But it is kind of scary, i wouldnt want the effect to harm people i love.Or, maybe just people around me, because i know i am capable of my hidden ability. The passion and drive might be so strong that i might hurt people around me subconciously.
Not that i am not doing so now, it seems my ignorance and nonchalency has led to an aloof reaction from them too. I am at a lost honestly. I probably need a superhero to tell me that it will all be okay. Then again, people will think that i am pushing too hard on an area that i do not need to. But i want to! Dont tell me i cant, or that the other is less important than the other.
I want it all. Call me greedy. Or rather given the choice i probably give up school. But since that is not an option, it is not equally as important to me. So how now? Than there are other things which are just as important too. What do i do?
Do i just bulldozed my way blindly through? I mean that is what a bull do and succeed in doing so. Since i am born in the horoscope year of a Tauras, does that mean i will be good at doing that?
Or should i just accept that sometimes we are not good in everything? I am lost.
I want to believe that i am a superhero who can do it. i want to believe that i have the determination to do it. I want i want i want. i want to believe that the world is big enough for me. I still have dreams, and i want to believe, so how?
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, January 16, 2009
9:37 AM
Clarice is afraid of losing focus. She is afraid of letting other stupid and silly thoughts enter her mind and ruin her ability to think straight. What is really important? So many things. Clarice dislikes it when she gets distracted. She really cannot take people tagging along now. She has no ability to take care of them. She has no ability to give anything.
Clarice has been doing well for past few weeks. She cannot let it all go just like that. It is not easy starting all over again. She will be focus.
Clarice feels sad.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
6:59 AM
i have so much to catch up for DANCE!! 2 weeks! how how!! * stretches and panics*
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
6:50 AM
i had a great weekend.
i dont what is going to happen the next year, but i know it is not going to be easy. But i will try my best. It is not a resolution but a promise to myself.
i want to apologise to those who i have not been able to spend time with.
I love all of you still.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Friday, December 26, 2008
5:50 AM
i am not exactly high and dandy. really looking forward to the training tomorrow.
I feel more comfortable staying within my comfort zone, at least for now. I love the homey idea. You know the stay at home and rot. Read a few books. Watch a few good movies. Whip up some good food. Clean the house. DIY some equipments.
I sure do feel old. I guess my resolution for 2009 is to be an intellectual me.=)
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
5:06 AM
The holidays was good. If you consider the items that i have taken back to Singapore with me, than i guess its fantastic. 6 pairs of shoes to choose from. 1 wallet and 1 bag. That cost about 3oo plus Singapura dollars. On a holiday with my family was rather stressful, considering all our idiosyncracies and differences, it was not easy trying to accomodate to everyone.
But i survived, and Jetstar was not that bad either.
Being back from China/Macau/Hongkong, got back into action immediately. Work and tuition all packed. there realy wasnt much rest. In fact, i do feel more tired than when i was back from the States. I still do miss the States.
I have also just held 2 events for NYC-YEP. Half completed the Leadership Training Course. Also, with tons of xmas celebrations.
i was chatting with Shiya, i told her, i feel old. really. Oh well. i need a new environment. I ned to start a fresh somehow. The year 2009 spells like the right time.
i'm not gonna stand here and wait.
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